Finally, it was Friday night, the night that all of the counselors looked forward to for the whole week off because that was when the “Risk” game was to be played. Some of the guys even came back early just so that they could watch the game because the best players at Camp Van Dorn agreed to play in what was considered the championship game. George, Scott, Bill, Zolo, Danny, and, of course, Polk were in the tournament of champions.
Even while camp was in session, Friday night was the traditional “Risk” night. The night wasn’t chosen at random. The campers knew that Friday night was their last night at Camp Van Dorn and they were determined to make the most of it by staying up as late as possible. The only thing that they had to do on Saturday morning was to pack up their suitcases and meet their parents for the long drive home, so why not make Friday night one big party. If they could make it to dawn then they had bragging rights of staying up all night until they came back to camp the following year. The counselors knew all of this and they further knew that there wasn’t a thing that they could do to stop the campers so they may as well make the best of it by playing “Risk” for three or four hours. When the game was over, at some time around midnight, then the chiefs went to the campers cabins and told them to go to bed. There were always some mild protests from the campers but it had been a long week and secretly they were relieved to be told that their party in the woods was over.
By the end of the week the counselors needed a way to blow off some steam and “Risk” was the only board game that all of the counselors liked to play. The object of the game was to conquer the world, an idea that was like red meat to boys who, having done nothing in life so far, thought they could accomplish anything. They imagined that they were the next Napoleon or Alexander the Great. The game always started off well enough, with the counselors choosing colors and then throwing the dice to decide which countries they would start on. Then they placed their limited armies on to the board. With each turn, a new throw of the dice would determine how many new armies the player would get then he had to decide whether he was going to attack another player out if he was going to redistribute his armies for a future attack or to receive an attack. “Risk” is played with five dice; three for the offense and two for the defense with the tie going to the defender. You never knew what was going to happen with the role of the dice but the game favored the defense. The fun of the game was to watch the board slowly turned the color of your armies and each color had its own nickname. For example, there was “The Black Plague,” “The Red Menace,” “Gang Green,” or “The Yellow Peril.” It was very satisfying to line up all of your armies into one long barrier as you marched into one country after another, as your color took over the world.
There was always a buzz of excitement in the mess hall before the game began. Fr. Jubal Early never played the game but he did allow the counselors one last night to drink beer at the mess hall. He should have outlawed alcohol years ago because almost all of the staff were under twenty one. Still it was his camp and he got to make the rules and after this night Camp Van Dorn became a “dry” camp. The mixture of alcohol, a very competitive board game, and the testosterone addled teenage brain, could only lead to trouble.
The game always started out well enough and there even had been some good-natured ribbing between the counselors throughout the week. “You are going to lose you sloping forehead, slack jawed, knuckle dragging, moron!” George used this line a lot because it was difficult to think of a comeback for it. “Shut up, Scarbs,” Bill said in reply, using George’s nickname from school. “If you had any brains you would be dangerous.” And so it went back and forth except for Polk. No one would make fun of Polk because he took the game way too seriously and most of the other counselors were a little afraid of him. As the counselors filed into the mess hall for the big game, Bill leaned over to Scott and said “look at Polk! He is all puffed out in excitement for the game. I’ll bet Polk masturbates over the idea of winning a ‘Risk’ game!” Scott laughed out loud but quickly straightened when his laughter drew the attention of Polk.
Before the game began, and as they were setting up the pieces, there were a few rules to discuss. First of all, the Flatheads were not allowed to play as they were too young and this was considered to be a man’s game. Lo and Skirrel were always regulated to the back benches but would secretly hold their own games in their cabin to get better so that when they were allowed to play they would be ready. Another rule was that when your armies were defeated in battle then only the owner of those armies were allowed to remove them from the board. Temperatures ran hot during the game, especially when players dramatically removed their opponents pieces from the board. One time this led to the unfortunate incident when Polk dramatically flipped the board over when it was clear that he was going to lose, ending the game for everyone. Some of the counselors swore that they would no longer play if Polk was included in the game. And yet, by the next Friday night, after tempers had cooled, the counselors all secured their place at the table for the big game and Polk was the first to commit.
Zolo was the first one out because Danny kept attacking him. Zolo knew that he was being singled out and meekly said, ‘you are pissing me off by attacking me all of the time.” Polk knew an opening when he saw it and said, “an angry Zolo. That doesn’t sound that scary to me.” After Danny’s offensive, Zolo only had two armies left and George took him out of the game. Zolo was relegated to the back benches with Lo and Skirrel. For no reason whatsoever, Zolo quoted his favorite line from “Smokey and the Bandit,” which had had just finished watching after the Pickett’s Cave outing, “I’ll have a Dr. Pepper and a cheeseburger and make it snappy.” It made absolutely no sense but Zolo felt like he had to say something. Anything.
The makers of “Risk” assumed that this was a game of individuals. However, some of the counselors just had to win and they made alliances with each other. Sometimes the alliances were made even before the game began because best friends always worked together. At other times the alliances were made up on the spot and a matter of convenience as the game progressed. The pact usually was no more complex than “I won’t attack you if you won’t attack me.” Of course this interchange enraged the player whom this alliance was working against. If the offended player complained then a chorus of “Pussy! Pussy! Pussy!” was yelled out from the other players and even the bystanders in the peanut gallery. No one wanted to be called that name and even the calmest of the counselors became irritated when baited.
Scott was out next but he refused to lose his temper. Every time he lost an army he would exclaim, “Poopies!” The thought was that it was better to cute it our rather than to get really mad. Polk and Danny had been attacking Scott and provoked his by saying, “We’ve got him by the balls and are pulling hard!” When Polk went in for the killed he said, “I’ve got him by the short hairs!” Scott removed his last “Yellow Peril” army from the board and left the mess hall. He could not give the others the satisfaction of letting them see that he was upset.
That left Polk, Danny, Bill, and George as the game entered into its second hour. As the night wore on the friendliness of the game left the mess hall and the shouting began. Polk made a secret alliance with Bill by using a wink and a nod. However, Bill only kept alliances for as long as it was convenient for him and, inevitably, when Polk was at his most vulnerable, Bill yelled “Fuck the Treaty!”
“Wow!” Replied George. “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?” It was his way of trying to lower the temperature in the room with a joke. It didn’t work. Bill directed his black pieces to attack Polk’s Brown pieces.
Polk took the game way too seriously and being attacked was like being personally challenged. He was able to survive the Banzai offensive and dedicated the rest of the game to taking Bill out, even if it cost him the victory. Knowing that he was a marked man, and that Danny and George would take him out after Polk weakened him, Bill yelled “Attack Me! Attack Me! I want you to attack me!” It was so unlike him have outburst like this that it startled the other players and the back benchers. The other three players, and some of the bystanders who were watching from a safe distance, yelled in glee when Bill was attacked and removed from the game as the “Black Plague” had no more pieces on the board. As he left the mess hall, Bill called over his shoulder, “I’ll go play with the campers because they are better at the game than you are.” The three remaining players ignored him.
As the game entered its third hour, Danny realized that there was no way that he was going to be able to win. He didn’t want to play for another hour when the conclusion was already forgone. And besides, it had been a long day and he wanted to go to bed, so he decided to do a suicide attack on George. This was unexpected as George and Danny were friends but with “Risk,” the players realized that they had to leave friendships at the door step. Besides, Polk was so big physically and had such a hot temper that Danny was afraid to attack him.
George was usually unflappable at Camp Van Dorn but during a game of “Risk,” he flapped. When Danny attacked him, George’s reaction was to snort absently. Snorting was the only way that the other players could tell that George was upset and, as he took the attack as a personal challenge, he picked up the defenders dice. Danny didn’t take George out but he left him badly wounded. The suicide attack worked and Polk took “Gang Green” out of the game. Danny couldn’t help but launch one last insult on the way out of the mess hall by proclaiming, “my loss only proves that this game is more about luck than skill.”
Now that the game was in the fourth hour, all of the former players and most of the peanut gallery had left. Fr. Jubal Early entered the mess hall to see how the game was progressing. When he saw that there were only two players at the table in the corner of the room, and two Flatheads watching, he quoted one of his favorite sayings; “Far be it from me to question the antics of the counselors at Camp Van Dorn.” Usually this line got a laugh but everyone was so intent on the game that they ignored the old priest. Polk and George were the only two left and it was clear that Polk was going to win. When George started throwing the dice to attack his last competitor, Fr. Early said that “you can either be the hero or the goat.” And then he would mimic the sound of a goat by saying, “Baaaa!” That line also fell on deaf ears. Fr. Early was tired on being ignored so he silently left the mess hall and made his way to the administration building. Sometimes it was tough being the only adult in a camp full of kids.
“The Red Menace” was slowly disappearing from the board. When Polk sensed that George was getting upset, he purposely fanned the flames of Scarbs’ despair by egging him on. He used a fake high pitched voice, yelled “Pussy! Pussy! Pussy!” It didn’t work this time because by the end of four hours of play, George was exhausted. He silently removed the last of his black pieces as the board was covered in brown. It was so anti-climatic that a casual observer would wonder what the big deal was. It mattered to Polk because he got the bragging rights after winning the tournament of champions against the best players at Camp Van Dorn. Things were frosty between George and Danny after Danny’s suicide attack, in effect, took them both out of the game.
And yet, when a game was offered the following Friday night, few counselors could resist the temptation at a shot of revenge. Besides, the Flatheads desperately wanted to play to get bragging rights over the older guys. If they could win against the counselors and take their prestige down a notch or two, then they could add to their “Risk” resume. Meanwhile, the Flatheads would have to earn their bones by playing separate games before they could play at the big table
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