Writing My Fourth Book

Why do I waste my time by writing a fourth book when I know that it isn’t very good, will have to be self published, and no one will read it? The first reason is because writing is a distraction for me. I like to write about a time that has nothing to do with today. The “before-times” are when I wasn’t married, didn’t have kids, and didn’t know that I was going to be a teacher. My fourth book is about Camp Tall Trees and I am writing it because it has nothing to do with my current life. It is like when I take long walks and listen to classic rock on my iPod. I don’t necessarily like the songs but will listen anyway because they don’t remind me of anything. There are no triggers to make me feel sad or regretful. Similarly, writing about the 1970s and 1980s, an era that has nothing to do with my current life, brings me peace by offering me a distraction.

For me, the act of writing is its own reward, even if I never get published. The is ironic because, for my whole life, I have been worried about money and wanted fame and I know that my writing will bring me neither of these things. Two of my favorite authors serve as examples for me. Anne LeMott has written over 30 books but said that she didn’t start making real money until her fourth book. This is discouraging because I am writing my fourth book, have no ideas for another one, so I know that there is no success waiting for me. Frustrated by a lack of sales, John Grisham threw a box load of his first book into a ditch. He was making a tour of bookstores, set up a table in the lobby to sign his latest novel, and no one was buying. It wasn’t until his third book was made into a movie that Grisham made it big. If these talented authors weren’t immediately popular then I really have no chance at a career at all.

Large sections of my current book are about Camp Tall Trees and Xavier University because I want to write about a time when I felt things deeply. I write from my emotional center from when I was very much alive. In the 1970s and 1980s I was a very angry young man and I want to remember those times when I was full of passion. However, I have to fictionalize everything because I don’t want to be sued for libel and because I have to simplify the story. I worked out at Camp Tall Trees for nine years and my book is about just one summer. If I don’t compress the events then the story would be too long and uninteresting. Similarly, I am taking the lives of dozens of people and attributing their stories to my three main characters.

Even though I know that my writing isn’t very good I will continue to do it. The reasons for soldiering on are that I find that I am in a better mood after writing. For me, the point is to be creative and to have something to pour myself into. It makes me feel alive. I love good writing and want to emulate my favorite authors like Shelby Foote and Paul Theroux. In a very small way, I want to contribute something to the literary community. Also, it gives me something to obsess over. I am always writing; it may just be in my head but it is always there. I find solace, pride, focus, challenge, and commitment in my writing. The next step for me is to find a writer’s workshop so that I can find ways of getting better at my craft.