Japan

       Japan has always loomed large in my imagination.  My father was sent there from the Korean War to recover from a debilitating skin infection.  He flew to Japan at least once a year to sell them transportation on his barge line company and would often bring back trinkets to give to us.  I sold metal to Japanese companies while working for Metal Sales and James Clavell’s “Shogun” is one of my all time favorite historical novels.  Finally, I have read Ian Toll’s exhaustive trilogy on the war in the Pacific three times and the author gives background on the Meiji Restoration, the Russo-Japanese War, and the Imperial Japanese Empire that took over most of East Asia.  So we flew to Japan to feed our intellectual curiosity and to go on a new and exciting adventure.

Thurs, Oct 16: “The Flights”

   It was a flawless day.  We flew out of Louisville at 7:30 am, had no layover time in Dallas, and it only took 26 hours to get from our condo to our hotel in Seoul.  Our time on the plane went by so quickly because I was able to watch season two of “The Last of Us” and season three of “The Game of Thrones.”

   There was a lot of pressure on this trip because of the time, expense, and mental energy required for it to go well.  Tracey and I did everything possible to prepare for being gone for three weeks.  We had to figure out how to dress for the weather, stock up on medications, collect tip money, remember to bring the coasters and business cards to give away, do enough laundry and then pack it, and we renewed our passports.  Finally, I had recorded a lot of shows from NPR on my iPod because we don’t get the internet on the ship and I need something to listen to at night so that I can sleep.

Friday Oct 17, 2025: “The Bus Ride”

   Our flight landed in Inchon at 3:30 pm and, because of the heavy traffic, it took us two hours to drive to Seoul.  We went straight to bed and I think that is why we didn’t have any problems with jet lag.

   I am proud of us.  Travel is hard, expensive, and it takes a lot of organization.  And it could be a marriage breaker.  At one point we had to eat McDonalds at the gate, in our seats, because there was no table service.  I asked Tracey, “can you image our parents doing this?”  And she replied, “not without a lot of complaining!”  Yet we have the money, a small condo, and no pets or any responsibilities.  We live for these trips.

Saturday Oct 18: “Seoul”

   We usually go through the cruise ship to order our excursions because it is easy and the guides had already been vetted.  Since that option wasn’t available for Seoul, we used “Tours by Locals” for the first time.  We have to have a guide because I don’t know what I am looking at and cannot describe it to Tracey.  We had only one day in Seoul so I was fine with splurging and spending the money for our own personal guide.

   Denny was perfect.  He spent eight hours with us without a break.  We saw the flower gardens at the Jogyesa Buddhist temple, the changing of the guards at the Royal Palace, a real ship from the Korean War at the War Museum, and the only traditional houses left in Seoul at the Hanok Village.  At the end of our tour I gave Denny a large tip and he said “are you sure you want to do that?  You have already paid so much for this tour!”  You have to love the guy.

Sunday, Oct. 19: “Embarking on the Norwegian Cruise Line Spirit”

   We boarded the bus in Seoul at 10:00 am and were on the “Spirit” by noon.  Tracey bought the alcohol package so we started drinking immediately.  My happy place is at the “Windows” restaurant where I had at least two mimosas at breakfast.  I have day dreams about sitting in this restaurant, staring out the window, and having a long dinner with my wife while drinking wine.  It doesn’t get any better than this.  

   As soon as we finished our daily excursions then I would go to the atrium and have a couple of strawberry daiquiris.  Tracey’s happy place is at the “Biergarten,” or the bar on the 13th floor, where she can smoke and drink freely.  One of the main reasons as to why we take these trips is because Tracey can have complete independence on the ship.  She usually finds a couple of smoking buddies to help her pass the time.  These trips have given her a lot of confidence because she doesn’t need me or anyone else to help her find the room and bar and restaurant.    

Monday, Oct. 20: “Jeju, Korea”

   Jeju is the Maui of South Korea.  The geography is very distinct in that it has volcanic mountains all around, then terraced fields, then houses, and finally rice paddies.  We saw a Buddhist temple and a thatched roof village.  There wasn’t a lot to this excursion but that is alright; we can’t expect a great day like the one that we had in Seoul every day.  Our trips go so well because we know what we want and we keep our expectations low.  Having a blind wife means that our needs are different from the other passengers.  All that we ask for is a good guide who will talk to us and a reserved seat at the front of the bus so that we can hear.

   Tracey and I are experienced travelers now and we have learned some valuably lessons from our many trips, like how to pace ourselves on a three week trip to Japan so that we don’t burn out early.  Other lessons include to always get to the departure point early, visit the bathroom. whenever there is one is available, always carry water, listen to directions and don’t question them, and always take the time for a big breakfast with a lot of coffee.  These simple rules will make your trip go so much better.   

Tuesday, Oct 21: “Nagasaki”

   We started out our day at the Suwa Shinto Shrine which features a 277 stone step staircase leading up the mountain and dedicated to the spiritual force of valor and duty.  The highlight of the day was visiting the Peace Park which features a 31 foot statue that symbolizes eternal peace.  Included at the park is a memorial that has the names of all people died from the atomic blast etched in stone.  What made the morning fun for me was to fist bump a group of middle school students who were just arriving at the park as we were leaving.  Tracey called me a “weird American” for doing this but I think that our ancestors would like the idea of the “tall, white, blue eyed devil” making nice with the Japanese youth.

   Our tour included a traditional Japanese meal included rice, salmon, noodles, and a bunch of side dishes.  I was trying to be a good tourist to Japan so I tried a little bit of everything even though I often didn’t know what it was that I was putting into my mouth (gyoran or fish eggs).  Tracey and I are not foodies and are reluctant to try new things but apparently a lot of people tour foreign countries just to try the food.

Wednesday, October 22: “Matsuyama”

   Ko Kira Castle is just one of the 12 surviving pre-Edo period castle towers and is known for its defensive layout. The Akama Jingu Shrine is located on the island of Shikoku and was built to honor the six year old Emperor Antoku.  The shrine is known for its striking red roofs and a large white base.  The Chofu Gardens are built in the kaiyu style where a visitor can walk around the pond and enjoy the scenery of the tea houses and a waterfall.  

Thurs, Oct 23: “Izumo Shrine and Taisha Treasure House”

   The Izumo Shrine is on the main Japanese island of Honshu.  It is believed to be the oldest shrine in Japan and is dedicated to the god of marriage, Okuninushi, who is also considered to be the creator of Japan.  Taisha (Great Shrine) Treasure House contains cultural assets like swords, mirrors, and masks.  It is famous for its many stone lanterns that lead up to the shrine.     

Friday, Oct. 24: “Kanazawa”
Kanazawa Castle began construction in 1583 and has been partially restored.  It is known for its horizontal lines on the roof gables and the carved wooden decorations underneath.  Kenrokuen Gardens is noted for its beauty across all seasons and includes meandering paths, a large pond, and several tea houses.  It had Banzai Tress fitted with electrical umbrellas to keep the snow off off of the branches because heavy snow would make the branches break off from the trees.  Eight gardeners and 200 assistants full time, every day.  Our guide, Michko, gave us an almost private tour of the gardens for an hour and a half.

Saturday, Oct. 25: “Niigita”

   The Northern Cultural Museum contains the mansion, gardens, and houses of the wealthy Ito family.  After our tour we went to the Saki Factory where we sampled their products and picked up faux bails of rice.  It was pure schtick but was still a lot of fun.  

Sunday, Oct. 26: “Sapporo”

   This was our only stop on the northern island of Hokkaido.  We went to a fish market and the overlook of Sapporo.  Also, we went to a subterranean mall, located under the t.v. tower, where we were the only white people.  It was fun to people watch and I noticed that the Japanese were so much better dressed than their equivalent in the U.S. 

Monday, Oct 27 and Tuesday, Oct 28: “At Sea”
   

       We hade two days at sea; one was planned but the other one occurred because the high winds made it impossible for us to dock at Hakodate.  We didn’t mind the cancellation because they treat us like royalty on the ship and we can eat great food and drink daiquiris all day.  We spent our days playing trivia, watching the old Asians shake their butts at the dance classes, and hanging out in the lounge.  I convinced Tracey to enter a cake decorating contest against the cruise director and the head chef.  She did surprisingly well and at the end of it I said into the microphone, “Let’s give it up for the Blind Lady and the Ironman!”  We received a round of applause and got a lot of knowing looks from the rest of the passengers for the rest of the cruise.  Like Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn, I think that we do Jeff and Tracey really well. 

Wednesday, Oct 29: “Nagoya”   

   The Nagoya Castle was built in 1612 by the Tokugawa clan but was destroyed in WWII.  It has been since rebuilt and is known for its golden roof ornaments.  The Hommaru Palace was meticulously restored and reopened in 2018.  The palace is sacred so we had to take off our shoes and Tracey had to have her cane cleaned before we were allowed entry.  The only mishap in our three weeks in Japan is when we became separated from the group and I couldn’t find the damn bus when our tour ended.  We took a cab back to the ship.

Thursday, Oct. 30: “Osaka”

   The Osaka Castle is special because of its impressive defensive design with its moats and gardens.  It is known for its towering white walls and golden roof decorations.

   We were about 20 minutes into the drive to the Osaka Castle when the driver had to turn around to pick up a couple of late passengers.  When we got back to the port, one of the women boarded the bus and announced, “I am not going to apologize.  Norwegian gave us the wrong starting time.”  We all knew that it was a lie because Norwegian is meticulous about the times and they are printed on every ticket.  Later, as I was walking to meet the bus for the departure time, a woman was walking in the wrong direction.  She said “you stole forty minutes from me this morning so I am going shopping now and I won’t be rushed.”  She went back to get some ice cream and ate it on the bus.

   The group of about fifteen tourists met Mariko outside of a temple.  The idea was to walk back to the bus together.  At one point I turned around to find that none of our group was with us.  Mariko went to find them and didn’t come back.  Tracey and I took the wrong way back to the bus so we were late.  I was so angry and frustrated that I addressed the group.  “What the hell,” I said.  You abandoned us!  You have to stay with the guide!”  What I wanted to say was “how tough could it be to keep up with a blind woman and a 70+ year old guide!”  They reacted like a group of school children who could not possibly be held accountable for their actions.  

Friday, Oct 31: “Shimizu”    

   We started our day at the Shimizu Visitor’s Center because it has a great overlook to view Mt. Fuji but it was so overcast that we could not see the famous mountain.  Chica was our guide and she helped Tracey feel a 3D map of Mount Fuji.  The next stop on our excursion was to visit the chopstick workshop where they had us sand and polish a set of chopsticks.  It didn’t make any sense to do this because the chopsticks were already completely finished but Chica was stalling for time.  Finally, we went to the Kunozan Toshigo Shrine but Tracey didn’t want to climb the 150 stairs to get to the top because they were steep, uneven, and made of slippery stone.  I got about half way up before I could feel the strain on my knees and I became out of breath.  I said to myself, “I’ve seen a shrine before,” and retreated back down the stairs.  

   My analogy towards these excursions is that it is like playing poker.  “You push your chips into the middle of the table and play the cards that have been dealt to you.  Sometimes it is a pair of sevens but other times it could be a full house.  Each round is unpredictable and that is what make it fun.”  So my low expectations for Shimizu were barely met.  A pair of sevens.  My thought was “that is alright because tomorrow we will be in Tokyo and that is a guaranteed full house.”              

Saturday, Nov. 1: “Tokyo”

   It was the perfect day for Tokyo: we had a great guide (Miwi), it was sunny and warm, and we had a lot of interesting things to see.  It doesn’t get any better that this.

   The Meiji Jingu Shinto shrine is dedicated to the deified spirits of the Emperor Meiji and Empress Shoken.  It is a popular place for traditional Shinto weddings.  Also, the 3, 5, 7 rule means that parents are expected to bring their children to the shrine when they are three years old, then the boys are expected to come again when they turn five and the girls when they turn seven.  We saw several young couples in traditional dress with their children at the shrine.

   Our second stop of the day was to the Asakusa complex which has a Buddhist temple and shopping.  The Senso-Ji Buddhist Temple is the best known temple in Tokyo and it houses Sho Kanzeon Bosatsu, who embodies the mercy of all Buddhas.  Leading up to the temple is the Nakamise-dori shopping street which was packed when we visited because it was a Saturday.

   Finally, we visited the outer areas of the Imperial Palace, where the emperor resides.  The inner palace grounds are restricted but we had a great view of the Nijubashi Bridge and saw a huge samurai statue representing loyalty and bushido, or code of conduct.

Sunday, Nov. 2: “Tokyo Tower”

   We were satiated from our day in Tokyo yesterday but, to continue the poker analogy, we were playing with house money because everything was going so well, but we were still determined to make the most out of our second day in Tokyo.  We disembarked from the NCL “Spirit” at 9:00 am, took the bus to the hotel and checked into the Sheraton to drop off our luggage.  Then we took an Uber to the “Tokyo Tower,” arriving by 11:30 am and in time to make the early tour.

   We wanted to do the Tokyo Tower by ourselves because we knew that it would be a tourist trap and we would not need a guide.  Tracey and I signed up to do the VIP Experience because we knew that we would need a guide as I wouldn’t be able to explain the sites to her.  It turned out to be a great decision because we had several guides throughout our tour; the first one sang happy birthday to Tracey and gave her a special sticker to commemorate her day.  The other guides struggled with the English language but we got through the tour through broken English and gesturing. 

   After the Tokyo Tower we went to Pizzeria Da Peppe for a combined lunch and dinner.  We found it funny that an Italian family opened a pizzeria in Japan to serve American tourists. 

Monday, Nov. 3: “Tokyo with Sachi”

   Since we were on our own we decided to hire a “Tours by Locals” guide.  Her name was Sachi and she arranged for us to have our own Uber driver for the day.  Our first stop was the Fukagawa Fudou-do buddhist place of worship.  This was the real deal with a drum ceremony that included continuous chanting.  It was not meant for tourists and it was not a show.  Sachi kept her voice low and talked to Tracey to teach her about the Buddhist traditions.  During the ceremony the monks used finger cymbals, a big seashell horn, and prayers that had been written on sheets of paper.  The monks read the prayers and then put them into a fire at the center of the temple.  We also learned that pebbles were strewn on the outside of the temple to help to cleanse the feet of the congregation before they entered the building.

   The Fukagawa Edo Museum is a life sized reproduction of a Tokyo streetscape from the Edo period (1603-1867).   Tracey could feel the houses, cooking utensils, and other daily goods.  We then visited the Rikugien Gardens to listen to live music and to walk around the pond.

   Today was “Cultue Day” in Japan, which is a national holiday to celebrate freedom, peace, and the arts.  To foster an appreciation for art, some of the streets were closed off from traffic.  Long strips of white paper were laid down in the middle of the streets so that children could paint pictures on them.  For me, one of the pleasures of travel is to people watch.  It could be as simple as watching the primary school students walking across the street in their uniforms with matching hats and backpacks; or the middle school students fist bumping me at the Peace Park.  Or it could be watching the parents taking pictures of their kids who were having a great time painting in the middle of the street.

Tuesday, Nov. 4: “Yasukuni”

   The acclaimed author, Paul Theroux, once wrote that “when  people tell you not to go to a place then that is exactly where you should go because it will be the most interesting.”  Sachi wouldn’t take us to the Yasukuni Shrine and Miwi became defensive about the shrine and initially didn’t want to talk about it.  This only made me want to see it even more.  Yasukuni is controversial because it is believed to house the remains and souls of the 2.5 million people who have died in conflicts, mainly from WWII.   When former Prime Minister Abe visited the shrine, China, North Korea, and South Korea launched official protests because some of the dead buried there had been charged with war crimes. 

   I looked upon visiting Yasukuni as being similar to going to the Normandy American Cemetery so we were determined to be as respectful as possible.  We approached the shrine and threw a coin into the offering box to make sure that our prayers get extra consideration.  Then we bowed twice and clapped twice to get the attention of the gods.  A silent prayer was said and then we clapped one more time, bowed again, and left.  We took this ritual seriously because the Japanese take it seriously and we wanted to be respectful.

   I thought that Yasukuni would be much larger because I envisioned warehouses filled with boxes that contained the cremated ashes of the war dead.  In fact, I didn’t see anything like that.  When we approached an adjacent building a monk literally ran up to us and turned us away so I can only assume that the remains were in those buildings.

   After a quick trip to the museum that is part of the Yasukuni complex, we took an Uber back to the hotel to get on the 12:30 pm shuttle bus to the airport. 

Wednesday, Nov. 5th: “Stuck in O’Hare”

   Our adventure was not quite over.  We flew into Chicago from Tokyo and were supposed to take the 6:00 pm flight to Louiisville.  During our layover I noticed that people at the gate were looking at their phones and chatting nervously.  It turns out that a UPS plane crashed in Louisville when its engine fell off, killing 13 people and forcing the city to issue a “shelter in place” order because there was the potential of deadly fumes in the air.  The national news showed dramatic footage of a huge fireball after the plane exploded.  We rebooked our flights for the next day, taking a chance that the airport would reopen by then.  It did and we had no problems with flying into Louisville.  

“Conclusion”   

   When we returned to our condo I felt unmoored from time.  I couldn’t relate to the hour, day, or even the month.  The clocks “fell back” because of the Fall time change and we just spent two days in Chicago and they are in the central time zone.  Also, we flew in from Tokyo, which is 14 hours behind Louisville.  While on the ship we skipped Halloween and when I first turned on the car radio the station was playing Christmas music.  It took a while to come out of the fog and process that we were in November of 2025. 

   We were completely satisfied with our trip to Japan.  We knew that we would only do Japan once so we wanted to make the best of it.  Because we have earned so many points and perks with Norwegian Cruise Line, we will stay with them for our big trips.  I have always insisted that we don’t go back to any of the places that we have visited before but now I am ready to let that idea go.  We already have trips planned to Athens and Rome, the last two cities on my bucket list, so I am interested in repeating some experiences.  It has become more about enjoying the luxury of being on the ship than the destination.  

“The Toilets”   

   The toilets have a fan, seat warmer, lights, automatic open and shut seats, automatic flush, and a bidet for the “front and back.”  There were water buttons that controlled the force and volume of the bidet and the flush.  The hotel that we stayed in Seoul had a remote control for the toilet in the bedrooms.  I had to guess as to which button to push but could never could figure out which one was which because the instructions were in Korean.  In the public toilet in the lobby I pushed the wrong button to flush and the bidet began to flow up.  I couldn’t get it to stop and got water everywhere.  The flow hit the door so I couldn’t get out and I got water all over my pants  After pushing all of the buttons I finally gave up and put the lid down and left.  It was like a “Lucy” sketch.

“Gatorman”   

   I’ll call him Gatorman because he was always wearing a shirt and cap from the Florida Gators football team.  Gatorman and his friend complained for the whole trip to the Imperial Palace.  Angry at our guide for beginning the narration before everyone was back from the bathroom even though what Miwi was saying was clearly filler.  Misery loves company so Gatorman’s friend complained that Miwi promised to show us the bathroom was.  It was literally right behind the bus if he bothered to look or was paying attention.  When Miwi asked, “do you have to go to the bathroom,” he replied that he didn’t.  He just wanted to give our guide a hard time.

   Right outside of the Imperial Palace was an impressive statue of a samurai soldier.  Gatorman wondered away while Miwi explained the importance of the statue and then he didn’t even go to the palace.  His excuse was that it was closed that day so we couldn’t go inside and yet Tracey and I were able to take some impressive pictures of the bridges and landscaping.   

   Gatorman said that he wanted to see the miniature Statue of Liberty that was located in Tokyo Bay.  He asked Miwi how to get there.  She said that he could walk to it from the hotel.  “How far of a walk is it?”  Miwi had to ask the bus driver and then said that it was about twenty minutes.  “Which way do I go?”  Miwi said that it was best to ask Google Maps.  “Well that doesn’t always work.”  Yet we all knew that the 70 year old man wasn’t going to walk 40 minutes to see a replica of the Statue of Liberty.  He just wanted to be a pain in the ass.

   The next day we were making our way to our hotel room when we saw Gatorman in the lobby.  He had kicked off his shoes, put his feet were on the couch, and reclined onto the pillows.  When his friend approached him, Gatorman said “Don’t talk to me now.  I am on the phone!”  He was puffed up with self importance and was happier than a pig in mud.
   

       I don’t understand why people like Gatorman travel.  These trips are enormously expensive but it was clear that Gatorman wasn’t interested in broadening his horizons.  He treated the staff like dirt and complained about everything, real or imagined.  He should have stayed home, had a beer and barbecue on his boat in the lake, and believed that the world revolved around him.  There is nothing wrong with that but don’t go on a trip if your only goal is to make yourself and everyone else miserable.

“Japanese Accents”   

   There is a disparity between the “L” and the “R” in Japan, which makes their translation pretty funny sometimes.  For example, bamboo shoots sounded like baboon shits.  Bark roof is buck dorf. Salinization is sarination.  Brackish is backish.  Shinto priest became shinto trees. Clam is cram, roof is loof, animals is animars, and palace is parace.       

“Quotes”   
• Travel is not reward for working, it is education for living. Anthony Bourdain.
• This is not the winter of my life, it is the harvest.
• People wait until their mid-sixties to travel.  By then their “knees have worn out, they get the dizzies, and are diabet.”  Denny
• The young are turning to atheism.  Their only religion is K-Pop.  They go to the concerts and scream “Oh God!  Oh God!”  Denny
• “If the blind will spit into some dirt and then put that mud on their eyes then they will see again.”  She also thought that if the blind will “ aat oranges, parsley, carrots, lemon juice, bananas and clover, that will cure their blindness”  Soda
• “We’re in Japan,” said Tracey many times with a big smile on her face.
• I gave my passport to the woman who was at the security check point and as she checked it I said, “look at the handsome devil.”  She replied, without sarcasm or irony, “oh yes, you are very handsome.”  It was so cute.
• I was sitting in the lounge, having my morning cup of coffee before I met Tracey for breakfast, when, to my amazement, the thought occurred to me that “I am happy,”  and then I felt a flush of endorphins energizing my brain. 

“The People” 
• I have heard of comfort animals but I saw a comfort robot on this trip.  There was a little old lady who held the robot to her chest and clung to it as if it were a child.
• Always treat the staff well.  Wrote a “vacation hero” for Leo, Fabio, Maria, Jin and Bella.  They post those notes on the wall in the work room.  Also, I like to fist bump the staff because they get such a kick out of it.  Bella got one because we told her that we really enjoyed the special attention that the staff gives to the handicapped.  Bella replied, “Of course we will do it for you.  We love you!”  It was cute because there was no guile and she really meant it.
• Three different men in different departments wearing make up.
• Grandson taking his 90+ year old grandfather back to Vietnam.  Grandfather must have bought a brand new suit and matching hat for the trip.  
• One of our guides was Soda who is 80+ years old and still going strong.  She is my role model because she says that she will keep working until she gets fired.

“Why Travel” 
1. We had several bad days in a row.  These cruises are enormously expensive and the travel is difficult.  I often left the excursions frustrated and angry.  I will follow through with the five cruises that we have already ordered but I think that maybe I am about done with travel.  Maybe its time to buy a dog and name her Julip.
2. 
3. As I was typing this blog I was reminded how lucky and privileged my wife and I are to be able to travel
4. 
5. This is not the winter of our lives; it is the harvest.  We are doing everything right.  Retire early and travel while still young and healthy.
6. 
7. I took the time to write all of this down in my blog, and did some additional research so I could figure out where we have been and what we had done.  As it turns out, we did a lot.  Enjoy journaling to relive the experience.
8. 
9. Could not have done this trip twenty years ago.  I have discovered a well of patience deep inside me that I never knew that I had.  And yet, without that initial drive and determination, I wouldn’t be where I am today.  And today is pretty good.
10. 
11. Different stimuli on these trips triggers different memories.  Travel gets me out of my mental rut.
12. 
13. Put some distance between ourselves and our past.
14. 
15. 80% of the world’s population has never been on a plane.  57% of Americans do not have a passport suggesting that they have never traveled abroad,  



Sent from my iPad

Brain Droppings

        I wonder, sometimes, what other people think of me.  I spend a lot of time at a local coffee shop where I sit in the same seat every day and read; always alone.  When I was a teacher I worked at my desk all of the way through my planning period and lunch and rarely did I talk to anyone.  At the gym, while lifting weights, I focus on my workout and do not engage with the others  My look is intense and severe and I know that can be off-putting to those around me.  I am older now: my eyes have lost their glimmer and appear hollow, my hair is thinning, and I have lost a lot of the energy that I had even ten years ago.  And yet the intensity is still present and that can be intimidating to other people.  I am sorry for that but I cannot change who I am or how I look.

        I am a learner and have been reading history since I was in middle school.  I already know a lot and since I have retired have dedicated myself to self-education.  When I have finished with my latest non-fiction book, I like to jot down a few notes in my iPad; I will come back to those notes later in the hopes that I can make a journal entry out of them.  If it is good enough then I will type up my notes and publish them on my blog.  This blog entry comes directly from that process.  If I don’t jot down the notes immediately then I know that I will forget it.  Besides, I can make the experience of reading a good book last longer by reliving it by writing about it.

       I have tried to make myself a better human being over the years.  For example, I know that no one wants my advice so I may as well keep it to myself.  I know my place and have learned that in order to get along with others I must avoid topics like religion or politics since I know that I will never change anyone’s mind anyway.  Who am I to give advice?  I am a retired teacher who is lucky enough to be able to afford to travel and the luxury of time to read history books.  One day melts into another and, since I do the same thing every day, there really isn’t a weekend for me.  Each day is a history of all of the other days while one week bleeds into the next without excitement or pageant.  This is not a complaint.  I have it good and I know that I have it good and 99% of the population would gladly change places with me.
 

       I am more confident in myself than I once was: I don’t stutter anymore, I have calmed down a lot, and am more patient.  It used to be that I felt like I was in a competition with everyone so I became defensive and sarcastic.  I wanted to bend others to my will.  Now I just want to get along with people because I understand how little I matter and that I can’t change anyone.  Since I can’t make a difference, I only want to enjoy the time that I have left and hope that I will be remembered fondly.
  

        Misery is caused by desire so I don’t compare myself to others because that would be the death of happiness.  Jealousy leads to misery so, if I can concentrate on my own life and eliminate everything that does not bring me joy then I can truly be happy.  Any worries or anxieties that I have I try to exorcise at the gym.  My wife and I live a minimalist lifestyle in that we have a little condo with just enough room for us to be comfortable.  A lot of my time is spent at my desk that I have positioned in the corner of our bedroom.  I like to read before dawn and have found it relaxing to hear Tracey snore in our bed next to my desk.  Some how, just knowing that someone is in the room next to me is reassuring.   

        While he was in the senate, Barack Obama said that he used to schedule an hour every afternoon just for himself so that he could think.  No meetings, no phone calls, no reports to read; just time to himself.  I am lucky that I have time to think, to suck in as much knowledge as possible.  My life is boring but monotony is a friend of thinking and learning.  Besides, I have enough confidence in myself to do nothing; after thirty five years in the classroom I believe that I have earned it.  For the time that I have left I will prepare myself for nothing and everything because nothing matters and everything matters.  My job is to hang onto my current lifestyle, to be a good steward of our savings, and to save enough so that we have something to pass down to our children.

       Socrates said that the best way to get through life is to “know thyself.”  People are their own worst enemies and so I have tried to eliminate those things in life that my me unhappy.  I don’t play video games because they frustrate me and make me angry.  Although I could easily spend hours, or even days, shooting down aliens.  But the price would be too high.  The same thing goes for gambling.  I have an addictive personality so I could burn through our life savings by trying to win that next great score.  I avoid confrontations with other people because, win or lose, the arguments always make me feel badly about myself.  Instead, I try to fill my relationships with patience and empathy.  Still a work in progress, I know that I am no saint, but at least I recognize the problem and am trying to do something about it.

      I know that this blog entry isn’t very well written and doesn’t even have a central theme but these are the ideas that I think about all of the time and I wanted to share them with you.


   
   

Rick Heim

         I found out from Facebook that Coach Rick Heim had pancreatic cancer, the deadliest type of cancer in which only six percent of those diagnosed survive the first five years after detection.  This hit home for me because of all of the teachers at Sacred Heart, Rick was the most like me.  We had been co-workers since we were both hired in 1991 so I spent my whole career at SHA with him on the faculty.  Further, we were about the same age, ran cross country for Coach Rostel at Trinity High School, and we were both gym rats.  We had the same quirky sense of humor in the classroom.  Our daughters went to Sacred Heart and he lamented to me at one time that he didn’t get to see his daughter nearly as often as he would like.  I told him that “I know exactly how you feel.”  Finally, when I first started at SHA, a group of guys would go out on Friday afternoons for a beer and Rick was one of the regulars.  We even went to the Derby infield together.  It was our salad days and I miss the camaraderie that I felt with the male members of the faculty that we shared together thirty years ago. 

        I am surprised at how Rick’s diagnosis had affected me and was truly sorry that he died of pancreatic cancer.  He was a true legend because he was still teaching when diagnosed and he had just finished his 33rd year as the cross country coach where he won seven state championships.  Rick richly deserves his legendary status.  I had been reading the posts on Facebook by our former students and the accolades kept pouring in.  The most common sentiments was, “There are few people who have made a bigger impact on my life,” and “You have got this and we are all here for you,” and “Go out there and kick cancer’s butt.  You have a lot of people on the sidelines cheering for you.”
        There are a lot of stories that I could share about Rick but my favorite involves the pandemic.  At first, all of the kids were online, and then we had half of the kids at home and the other half in school.  However, the kids could not be within six feet of each other so they were forced to eat their lunch outside while sitting on the ground.  Rick and I shared lunchroom duty together and the girls were expected to put their bottles and paper plates into a garbage bag.  They were slow in doing it so the principal asked us to carry around a garbage bag and walk to each girl and asked them to deposit their trash into the bag.  My thought was that “I have a master’s degree and have been teaching for thirty years and I am not going to be a garbage man.”  Then I saw Rick, happily going from girl to girl, collecting their trash and joking with them.  He humbled me that day by setting an example of what a good teacher should do, and that was to pitch in and do whatever was necessary to help the cause.  It is a lesson that I never forgot and I had a new attitude about collecting the trash.
        A life-long friend of Rick’s, whom I see at the gym every week, told me about how when he was in his 20s Rick had been in a terrible car accident and was in a coma for two months.  Rick carried some physical reminders of that accident with him until he passed.  Two of his siblings died years ago and he just put his mother into a nursing home over the summer.  Now Rick will never get to see his daughter get married or know the joy of having grandchildren.  He will not know retirement and the pleasures of slowing down.  His death by cancer reminds me that Tracey and I did the right thing when we quit our jobs when we were in our late 50s, bought a small condo, and have traveled the world.  These are the best days of our lives and I deeply regret that Rick will not get the same reward for all of his years of service as a father, coach, and teacher.   

Los Angeles Tour

    I booked a mini vacation to Los Angeles because I wanted to bring meaning to all of those magical places that I had dreamed about for my entire life.  Names like Beverly Hills, Melrose Avenue, Sunset Strip, La Brea Tar Pits, TCL Chinese Theater, and the Hollywood Walk of Fame.  Venice Beach and Muscle Beach were exactly as I had imagined as I saw plenty of buff guys and beautiful women.  In Santa Monica, I saw people fishing off of a pier, a man blowing huge soap bubbles for the children to enjoy, and hawkers everywhere.  Rodeo Drive had stores for all of the exclusive brands, statues of gorillas and tigers for some unknown reason, and a huge silver sculpture of a woman’s torso.  And, of course, I had to get a picture of myself pointing at the Hollywood sign while visiting the Griffith Observatory.  

   The highlight of my long weekend was visiting the Reagan Library and the Getty Museum.  The Reagan was impressive because it housed Air Force One and Marine One.  A special pavilion made mostly of glass was built around the aircrafts and my tour allowed me to walk through both of them.  The Getty is made up of a complex of buildings that were every bit a piece of artwork as the paintings that they housed.  A special tram service took tourists from their cars to the front entrance because The Getty is such a popular destination that everyone had to park a long distance away.

    For some reason, the tour guides felt the need to point out the darker side of L.A.  For example, they pointed out where the following celebrities died of a drug overdose: River Phoenix at the Viper Room, Marilyn Monroe in Brentwood, John Belushi at the Mormont Hotel, and Whitney Houston at the Beverly Hilton.  It was sad to recall these deaths but the tourists want to know about them.  

   My long weekend began with the hop on, hop off, “Big Bus” sightseeing tour so that I could familiarize myself with the attractions of Los Angeles.  After that, I took an Uber everywhere, which was expensive but it saved me a lot of time by avoiding public transportation.  The drivers always add a little spice to my trips.  Sammy was my first driver and he made the sign of the cross before merging onto I-10 because Los Angeles is notorious for its bad traffic and a little prayer to God couldn’t hurt.  He didn’t do it for show as Sammy didn’t realize that I was watching him.  Joe was my first tour guide and after seven hours in the driver’s seat I could see that he had enough of the bad drivers.  At the TCL Chinese Theater, our last stop, he honked at another driver and rolled down to window to call him a moron.  Tour guides usually are better at staying calm but Joe was clearly worn out.  My next Uber driver was Rondo, an immigrant who thought that the U.S. should intervene to solve the problems that the warlords are causing in his native country of Haiti.  Usually the Uber drivers are not that talkative but Anthony was from Philadelphia and he spent the whole ride talking about politics and of his dislike  of California Governor Gavin Newsom. 

   This was a flawless trip because I was prepared for it and am getting pretty good at travel.  For me, the fun of it is to put all of the pieces together for each vacation like it is one big puzzle.  I’ll start off by finding a city that has some attractions that I would like to see then I’ll book a hotel near that attraction or a transportation hub.  I’ll purchase the tour tickets next and the last thing that I will buy are the plane tickets because, with so many airlines, they are the easiest to get.  For Los Angeles, I took the 6:00 am flight out of Louisville and was on the tour bus in L.A. at 11:00.  It was like getting an extra day for free and if my flight was delayed for any reason then I had given myself some wiggle room.  This trip went like clockwork and I take pride in that.

   Over time I have learned some invaluable lessons when it comes to travel.  The first is to always get to the attraction early.  My appointed time to see the Dead Sea Scrolls, for example, was at 10:30 but the guard let me in at 9:00.  This meant that I could relax and explore the other exhibits at the Reagan Library for an hour and a half before taking an Uber to the Getty Museum.  It felt good to not be in a hurry for the rest of the day.

   A couple of more lessons are to stay hydrated  and eat whenever you can.  I carry a bottle of water with me at all times and was always on the lookout for a McDonalds or a Subway, even if I just had breakfast at the hotel’s buffet.  I also carry a backpack with me which contains my journal and a book to read in case I have some unexpected down time.  Finally, I always wear a jacket that has zippers on the pockets so that my iPhone recharger and its wires don’t come spilling out.  It is very easy to leave things behind on an airplane or an Uber.

   No single attraction was worth this intense trip to Los Angeles but, in the aggregate, it was a great mini vacation.  Usually, after visiting another city, I think that I could move to that place after seeing their attractions.  But not L.A..  It is too expensive, too crowded, and too spread out for me to ever want to live there.  For example, every Uber cost between $70.00 and $100.00 and it took forty minutes to an hour to get anywhere.  That is another reason why I like to travel; it makes me realize what a great life I have in Louisville and now I know that I have no desire to live in Los Angeles.  Still, it is one more place that I can scratch off of my bucket list and I am already preparing for my next trip when my wife and I take a cruise around the islands of Japan.

Mark Twain

    I just finished Ron Chernow’s 1033 page book on Mark Twain.  Reading Chernow’s other books on “Grant” and “Hamilton” was a struggle but I was absorbed with “Twain” because of the many problems that he had with his daughters.  Twain mourned the lost childhoods of his daughters, Jean and Clara, and fondly remembered the days before their estrangement when he was the “magical paterfamilias.”  When they were young, Twain enjoyed reading to them and playing games.  He had “vague, dream-like glimpses of them as they used to be in their long vanquished years.”  The girls romped and played in their blue Calico dresses, with their spindle legs and their pageboy haircuts.

   When he turned seventy years old, Twain wrote: “Arriving at Pier 70, where you board your waiting ship with a reconciled spirit, and lay your course towards a sinking sun with a contented heart.”  It was an unusual thing to write as by that time Twain had lost his wife, Livy, and two of his children, Langdon and Susy.  He still had two daughters left.  Jean had epilepsy, was often confined to a sanatorium, and died in a bathtub right before Twain passed.  That left Clara who tried to launch a singing career but was resentful because she knew that people only attended her concerts because she was the daughter of Mark Twain.

   “In most lives there comes a mellowing, an autumnal calm that overtakes even the stormiest of personalities.”  As it became clear that Twain was dying, Clara decided that it was a good time to get married and move to Europe.  Twain was so upset at being abandoned that he refused to attend the rehearsal dinner.  When the wedding was over and the happy couple sailed for Europe, Twain left for Bermuda.  He often escaped to this island where he could achieve his “autumnal calm.”

   “The praise that we want comes from our children and it is the praise that we are the least likely to get.”  Twain, suffering from angina attacks and bronchitis, cuts his trip to Bermuda short so that he can go home to die peaceably.  Clara, now his only living relative, sails back from Europe so that she can be there for the final act.  While he was on his deathbed, Clara told Twain that she was pregnant.  He died and six weeks later, and his only grandchild, Nina, was born.  Nina committed suicide, died childless in 1966, at the age of fifty five, ending the Clemens line.  

Overseas Travel Notes

May, 2025: “The Baltic Sea”

1. London: Crown Jewels

2. Amsterdam: canal ride

3. Denmark: Little Mermaid, Colored Houses

4. Sweden: Lund Cathedral, Storteget Square, KFC in Malmo

5. Berlin: Brandenburg Gates, Tiergarten, Reichstag

6. Gdańsk: Royale Route with Neptune and Four Quarters Fountain

7. Klaipeda, Lithuania: Amber Tour

8. Riga, Latvia: tour of old city

9. Tallin, Estonia: Medieval Experience

10. Helsinki, Finland: tour from Senate Square to Rock Church

December, 2024: “The Philippines”

1. Kaohsiung, Taiwan: The Tree House and Indigenous People’s Cultural Park

2. Currimao: Philippines: Vigan Old City and Pottery

3. Manila, Philippines: Open Market and St Thomas School internment camp

4. Coron, Philippines: Maquinit Hot Springs and little girls grabbing our hands

5. Boracay, Philippines: Motag Living Village and water buffalo

6. Puerto Princessa, Philippines: WWII Museum and prison

7. Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia: architecture tour

8. Brunei: Water Village and Sultan’s Museum

9. Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam: Cu Chi Tunnels and Museum of the American War

10. Singapore: Kranji War Cemetery

May, 2024: “Ireland”

1. Dublin: Trinity College

2. Rock of Cashel

3. Jerpoint Abbey

4. Waterford Crystal

5. Mahon Falls

6. Blarney Castle

7. Muckross House: personal tour

8. Dingle Peninsula

9. Cliffs of Moher

10. Ashford Castle

November, 2024: “Burgandy and Provence”

1. Arles: Roman Amphitheater

2. Avignon: Palace of the Popes (challenging for a blind woman)

3. Viviers: cathedral (woman cried when she saw me helping Tracey feel the altar)

4. Tournon: cathedral (woman showed off her house)

5. Lyon: cathedral (UNESCO site with 3D rendering)

6. Beaune: historic hospital

December, 2023: “Southeast Asia”

1. Ko Samui, Thailand: Mummy Monk, Big Buddha Temple (39’ Gold), Happy Buddha Temple (98’)

2. Phu My, Vietnam: Golden Buddha Temple retreat for monks, and typical house

3. Saigon, Vietnam: Presidential Palace

4. Vung Tau, Vietnam: White Buddha complex, White Palace,

5. Lombok, Indonesia: Sasak House for drums, fights, dung covered building

6. Benoa, Bali, Indonesia: Mengwi Royal Temple (floating), Tanah Lot on offshore rock

7. Benoa, Bali, Indonesia: Aviary or bird park

8. Singapore: Marina Bay Harbor and Merlion statue

October, 2023: “The Chateaus of Bordeaux”

1. Orleans: Joan of Arc house

2. Bordeaux: Cathedral UNESCO

3. Saint Emilon: church carved into a mountain

4. Route de la Corniche: residents of sea captains who were returning from their voyages.

5. Libourne: La Maison Mulato

6. Bordeaux: motorcycle ride

April, 2023: “Paris, France”

1. Rouen: Joan of Arc Church, Market Square, rioters burning tires

2. Honfluer: ships in port

3. Normandy: American Cemetery at Omaha Beach, Les Braves steel statue

4. Versailles, Louvre, Moulen Rouge,

March, 2023: “Panama Canal”

1. Mexico: Acapulco cliff jumpers

2. Guatemala: coffee plantation

3. Panama: locks of the canal

4. Colombia: Cartagena Inquisition Museum

October, 2022: “Rhine and Moselle”

1. Cochem: castle on the Moselle

2. Trier: Roman aqueduct

3. Luxembourg: American Memorial Cemetery

4. Bernkastle: winery

5. Heidelberg: vinegar. Wear capes

6. Strasbourg: Black Forest, Armbruster factory

7. Baden Baden: Niko, casino

September, 2022: “South Africa”

1. Zimbabwe: Victoria Falls

2. Cape Town. Table Mountain

3. Cape Point National Park baboons and penguins

4. Kapama Game Reserve: Herd Trust for elephants

5. Makoma Crèche School for Orphans

April, 2022: “Trans-Atlantic Cruise”

1. Madeira, Portugal: bus ride on hills

2. Malaga, Spain: military parade

3. Alicante, Spain: Easter parade

4. Mallorca, Spain: craft fair with bubbles

February, 2022: “Egypt”

1. Cairo: National Museum modern with glass, Alabaster Mosque

2. Luxor: Temple of Karnak. Two huge statues guarded entrance. Huge statue of Ramses II

3. Dendera: Temple Complex. Only one of two obelisks remain at entrance.

4. Luxor: Temple on site of Thebes, Buggy Ride

5. Valley of the Kings: King Tut, Hatshepsut,

6. Cataract Hotel: Agatha Christie

7. Abu Simbel: temple and mountain cut apart and reassembled

8. Giza Pyramid, Sphinx, Great Pyramid where the lights went out

9. Alexandria: Pompey’s Pillar with a Sphinx.

March, 2022: “Israel”

1. Jerusalem: Dome of the Rock, Wailing Wall, Via Dolorosa, Church of the Holy Sepulcher,

2. Bethlehem: Shepherd’s Garden, Church of the Nativity

October, 2021: “The Danube”

1. Bucharest: Casa Ceausescu, Vlad the Impaler tomb, Palace of Parliament

2. Veliko Tărnovo, Bulgaria: ruins of the Tsarevets Fortress

3. Vidin, Bulgaria: Cooking with Mona

4. Serbia: Djerdap Gorge (Iron Gates) with Decebalus statue

5. Belgrade: Prince Alexander, Yugo Car Tour,

6. Croatia: Vucedol Archaeological Museum

7. Budapest: House of Terror

Addendum 

• I have typed this out because I don’t want to be like the tourists who could tell you, in vague terms, where they have been but nothing of what they have seen or did on vacation.

• In retrospect, these trips have strengthened our marriage. Tracey and I have never been happier.

    

Grant Lillian Virginia: My Earliest Memories

Grant

• The umbilical cord is suppose to have three tubes in it; two to deliver nutrients and one to take out the waste.  The doctors could only find two tubes for Grant and they believed that he would die within hours after he was born.  Only after doing another scan could the doctor find the third tube and I remember that I broke down and cried at work when I got the news.  The thought of two tubes and my child dying right after being born had been weighing heavily on me for weeks and I cried out of relief.
• Grant was so sick after he was born.  He had to get allergy shots twice a week and had to have ear drops to help stop the honey-like goo that was constantly leaking from his ears.  Also, we had a saline solution for his congestion that we had to give him through a nebulizer. It was sad to see his two little eyes beaming above the face mask that we had to use to get him to breathe in the saline.
• When Grant was a baby he just a helpless.  He was constantly sick; for the first year of his life he was at the doctor’s office at least once a week.  It was very frustrating.
• My happiest memories of Grant was when he attended Twinbrook Preschool.  When I arrived at the building to take him home, Grant would take my hand and guide me to his cubby so that he could show me all of the artwork that he had created that day.  Before we left to go home, his teacher would stop me to tell me about all of the cute things that he had done.  For example, he had a special towel that he used for a cape and he would put it on as soon as he got to preschool.  Just by putting on that cape he was no longer Grant Frazier but became “The Weatherman.”  I still don’t know why he picked that name.  There was another time at Twinbrook when he pretended to marry Colleen and the two walked around, arm in arm, all day.
• Grant really liked bath time because he loved to be naked.   I toweled him off, dressed and fed him, and then allowed him to fall asleep on my stomach. Gently, I picked him up and put him into his crib.  It was wonderful.
• I loved to get down on the floor to play with him just to hear him laugh and watch him crawl.  Then, when his teeth came in, he would “drool like a madman.”  It was so cute.  
• Grant’s first sentence was “my shoes, on the book, over there.” 
• I had to learn not to cuss in front of Grant because one time, when he caught his sister doing something wrong, he scolded her by saying, “Ta Bammit LeeLee!”
• When he moved from words to ideas, he learned that he lived in “Bentucky,” that he was handsome and not pretty, and he learned about death when “the big fish” died in our aquarium.   
• Grandma and Grandpa played “Duck, Duck, Goose” with Grant.  When he was done giving the rules of how the game was played, Grant said, “OK Gampa.  You be the ducker!”
• Sometimes I would spot a bird in the back yard and dramatically put my hand to my ear and say, “Hey, Grant!  What did that bird just say?”  Grant had heard this question several times before and stated that “birds don’t talk.”  I would respond with “but they have mouths” and he would say “but they can’t talk.”  He was just so cute doing this routine so I egged him on.  Only years later did he say to me that he didn’t understand why I wasn’t getting it.
• I looked out the window one morning and saw that a raccoon was digging through our garbage.  I went out to chase it away and Grant asked me what it was and I replied that “a big sumbitch raccoon” had escaped to the creek.  This really caught his imagination and every time we went past the garbage or near the creel would ask “is the big sumbitch raccoon back?” 
• Grant used to hug me and kiss me, especially on my upper arm, when he became nervous, like when he was getting a shot or having a splinter removed.

 Lillian
• Right before Aunt Lillian Bray died, we promised her that we would name our first girl after her.  Lillian’s middle name is “Lee” after her great grandmother Maude Lee.  
• We were told that there was a one in seven chance that Lillian would be born with Down’s Syndrome because scans showed that there was a gap between her skull and her brain at the back of her head.  I told my father that “we will accept this child into our lives no matter what complications there are” and we didn’t find out until after she was born that Lillian did not have Down’s Syndrome.  
• Lillian came out so fast that the doctor had to jog to make it to the delivery room to catch her.  There was no time to put Tracey into stirrups or to move her down so that a bucket could be put under her to collect the placenta and embryonic sack.  Instead, they just put down a sheet of plastic on her bed.  Lillian was beautiful when she came out but blood spewed out as well, almost as if it came from a spigot.  She came so fast that Tracey’s water didn’t break and the nurse had to puncture the bag after Lillian was born.  
• My favorite moment of the day was to pick up Lillian from day care.  She was usually at the big picture window with all of the other toddlers, waiting for their parents to get them.  When she saw me, Lillian screamed in excitement and ran to the door.  I carried her in my arms while she grabbed ahold of me tightly, and then she turn away to say goodbye to the staff. 
• I loved to hear Lillian laugh when she was in the swing in our back yard, or when I would throw her up in the air and she flew like a gymnast.  She couldn’t say the words “do that again” so instead she just said “Gen.” When Lillian agrees with something that I said she would nod her head dramatically, to the point where her chin would touch her chest, and she would say “yeah!”  Her first words were “yes” and “no” and “Kan Queue” (Thank You). 
• When I asked her for a kiss, Lillian would race across the room making kissing noises, and wouldn’t stop until her lips touched my cheek.  We used to rub our foreheads together and she liked it so much that she laughed madly at this simple act of affection.  
• Lillian would sometimes ask the same question over and over again.  “Daddy, you know what?”  When I finally gave in and said “what?”  she responded with, “it’s not raining anymore!”  It had been a few days since it had rained but Lillian just liked saying that sentence because it was one the the first thoughts that she put into words..
• Lillian asked Tracey what was holding up the papers on the refrigerator.  “Those are magnets,” Tracey replied.  “Oh,” said Lillian, “they are your nuts.”
• When the waitress put a full pot of scalding hot coffee in front of Lillian, she grabbed it and pulled the pot down on herself.  I drove her to the hospital where the doctors rinsed her first and second degree burns with saline solution.  We took good care of her wound so that there aren’t any scars and, while Lillian doesn’t remember the incident, I will never forget her screaming in pain after being doused with scalding hot coffee.
• Starting at about the age of three, Lillian refused to wear anything but a dress, which was really cute except when the weather turned cold and her legs were bare.  She wouldn’t wear leggings because they were “itchy.”  Lillian loved to spin around so that the dress would fly up and she insisted on wearing her “clip clop” shoes and a ribbon in her hair.  It was clear from a very early age that Lillian was beautiful and the dresses just made her more appealing.
• I would wake Lillian up before preschool and she would wrap her arms and legs around me while sleep left her.  She would lay her head down on my shoulder and would not lift it until I was ready for her to move.  I loved it and always looked forward to this part of the morning routine.
• Lillian came home from Holy Trinity beaming because she was made the line leader when they were changing classes.  Mr. Collard said, “My best little girl is up front.”  As a teacher, you are not supposed to have favorites, but clearly Lillian was a special girl.     
• When a store was giving away free candy I kidded Lillian by telling her not to take any because they were saving it for the good kids.  Lillian pointed to herself and said, “Hello!  Good Kid!”
• When a loose thread appeared on Lillian’s sweater she said that her garment was becoming “unsewed.”    
• When I groaned, having gone up the stairs for about twenty times in one day, Lillian innocently said that I “better not have any more birthdays.”
• A huge limousine passed us in traffic one day and when Lillian saw it she said, “They must have a lot of children.”  Why else would you have such a big car. 
• When a boy at Twinbrook kept throwing dirt clods at Lillian, she complained to me.  “What do you want me to do?  Beat him up?”  She replied with “No!  Shoot him with your gun.”  To this day I don’t know if she was kidding.  
• I used to steal Lillian’s favorite stuffed animal from her bed and laying it on top of mine, saying “he prefers to stay with me.”  This irritated her to no end and she dramatically grabbed the stuffed animal to take back to her room.

 Virginia
• My initial reaction upon learning that we were having a third child was one of pure joy.  Our doctors had told us that, for many physical reasons, we could not have another child without help from modern science so we didn’t use birth control.  That is why Virginia was our “miracle baby.”
• Virginia’s birth was traumatic because she was so big that she came out slowly, and even then with only a lot of pushing by Tracey.  The nurses whisked her away because when the baby is that big then there is a risk of jaundice, diabetes, and a broken collar bone. Fortunately, none of these things happened to Virginia.  Tracey earned bragging rights because she delivered an eleven and a half pound baby vaginally and without an epidural.
• She still has a scar where she accidentally bit her lip.  We took her to the doctor and he had to snip the piece of lip that was hanging off and Virginia allowed me to hold onto her while she cried during this minor operation.
• Virginia was easy to raise because she was so good natured.  She talked all of the time so there wasn’t any frustration with her trying to tell us something and she only cried when she wanted something essential, like a drink or a nap (my go sleep).
• Starting when she was just two years old, Tracey wrapped Virginia up in a big towel after her bath and called her a “Virginia Burrito.”   What made it really cute was when Virginia tried to say “Virginia Burrito” but never could pronounce it correctly.
• One time, Grant asked me what time it was.  I responded with, “I don’t know.  What does the clock say?”  Virginia chimed in with, “it says ‘tick tock, tick tock.’”
• I used to take the kids to Cave Hill Cemetery to walk around the lake and to feed the ducks.  One time, Virginia became frustrated when the ducks kept flying away as she approached them.  Virginia cried out “the ducks won’t let me pat them on the head!”  It was so cute.
• When she was six years old she read her first sentence. It was like a light went on and she started to cry because she was so happy and proud of herself. It was a beautiful moment.  Much later on, she would read novels to her mother at the end of the day and the two bonded over these books.
• I started each day by singing “Oh How I Hate to Get Up in the Morning” when I turned on their lights.  Virginia never wanted to get out of bed and grabbed the mattress when I tried to pull her off.  I solved this problem by starting a wrestling match with the other two and only then would Virginia race out of her room because she didn’t want to miss out on the fun.  
• When I asked her if she wanted to go to Gattiland with us, Virginia said, “yes.  And besides, it wouldn’t be any fun without me.”
• I had to do some shopping and asked Virginia if she would like to come with me.  “Of course I want to go with you.  We are buddies.”  What made this moment so special was that her reply came straight from the heart. 
• I became frustrated during the summer months because the kids were watching so much television.  I kept telling them that if they didn’t get off of the sofa then they were going to get fat and their butts were going to get big.  Virginia got tired of this harangue so the next time that I said, “Do you know what will happen if you watch too much television?”  Virginia replied with “Our butt have gotten gig!  They are huge!”  And then she made a motion of her butt blowing up.  It was funny.
• Our school newspaper liked to ask teachers questions and then print them just for the fun of it.  The question was “What is in the trunk of your care that would surprise people?”  I decided to have a little fun and I wrote “The cremated ashes of our first cat.”  Virginia took a lot of good natured grief and she tried to explain to her friends that we had never owned a cat.

All Three
• Because of multiple physical problems, we had to go to a specialist to have a baby.  It took us over a year and a half to conceive and Tracey used to cry herself to sleep because she was afraid that she would never have a child.  “Our lives are irrevocably changed,” is what I said to Tracey when we first found out that she was pregnant.  I wrote a note to my future children in my journal and it said that “if your eyes are on these pages, just remember that your mother and I fought hard to get you and we will do our best to raise you.”  
• When they were newborns they were up every two to four hours during the day and night for their feedings.  Their eyes were black and only when the sun shined directly into their eyes could I tell where the pupil ends and the iris begins.  And when they took their bottle those black eyes were searching for something as they drank.  In that moment they looked so innocent and trusting.  They were a completely helpless blob and were dependent on us for their every need.
• When they were still babies, at about eleven months, they would take that last bottle of the day before sleeping through the night.  As they finished, we could feel them melt into the crux between our neck and shoulders.  After a huge baby formula belch, heir whole bottle relaxed, and they slept.  
• They would slide down the baby tub because their bodies were too small for it when we first brought them home so we had to wash them in the kitchen sink.
• Their high-pitched cry came in fast and frequent breaths.  It was a furious cry which they could not keep up for long.  They turned bright red in their frustration but then turned pale white when they napped after their melt down.
• They had nap jerks where their arms and legs would suddenly lurch forward for no reason.
• Their fingernails were so hard to cut because they were membrane thin and I couldn’t tell where the nails ended and the skin began.
• Aside from Mommy and Daddy, their first words were up, down, no, yes, and cheese.
• “Processing,” is what we used to say whenever the kids were absorbing new information.  Their eyes steadied as they made room in their brains for the new information.
• I loved to roll around on the ground with them; to hear them laugh and to hold them close when they became sleepy.  When they were toddlers and couldn’t quite walk, they used to hold onto the walls and furniture to get around.  
• When we went to see movies Grant would sit on my left, Lillian on my right, and Virginia was two seats down.  As soon as the theater darkened, Virginia would climb in my lap and Lillian would grab my hand and hold it in her lap.  If I removed my hand for any reason then she would immediately grab it again and put it back in her lap.  We saw “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” and “Mulan” and “A Bug’s Life” and many other movies using this arrangement.
• When they were just toddlers they would give us a kiss when asked.  They would open their mouths and lean in, usually while drooling.  It was wonderful and gross at the same time.  It was like kissing a drunken sorority girl.  When they were older, the girls gave me butterfly kisses and we would gently rub our eyelashes together.  
• When Virginia was still in a baby carrier, we had a process to walking to our appointments together.  For example, on our twice weekly trips to the allergist, I would carry Virginia in my right hand while Lillian held my left hand.  Grant was instructed to grab onto my belt loop.
• I used to love to put the kids on my shoulders and spin around.  They grabbed my hands so they wouldn’t fall off and I would walk and spin as if I were drunk and they would laugh uproariously. 
• Tracey and I used to say that the kids were full of hyper-energy.  That they would “Go! Go! Go!” And then “Drop!”  When they were tired of playing they would say “My go sleep!”
• If I was eating something that they thought would be good they would pry open my mouth so that they could take a look inside.  I took having their little hands on my teeth in stride.
• When we visited Uncle Mel and Aunt Shirley, the kids had been in the car all day.  Aunt Shirley said “Does anyone want to go swimming?”  They were about six, five, and three at the time and just like that, “Vroom!”  All of their clothes came off in the foyer and they waited patiently for me to put their swimsuits on them.  Aunt Shirley wasn’t used to this act and she said, “Let’s show a little modesty!”
• Lillian and Virginia stole a tube of lipstick and snuck off to the back porch.  They smothered their mouths and the surrounding area with lipstick.  I couldn’t get mad at the theft because they were just so cute when they did it.
• I read books out loud to all three of them.  At the end of the day, they would lay at the foot of my easy chair while I read “The Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe,” or “The Tales of King Arthur.”  We did this for years and the last book that we read was “The Lord of the Rings.”
• When there was a thunderstorm the kids would leave their beds and sleep next to ours in the master bedroom.  They would throw their pillow and a blanket on the floor.  Virginia would come first, then Lillian, and finally Grant.  I never knew when they arrived and had to make sure that I didn’t step on them when I got out of bed.
• I tried my best to keep the kids busy during the summer.  We had swim practice, soccer camp, gymnastics, and then take a short vacation somewhere within easy driving distance.
• They liked to grab my thumbs and then walk up my front and when they couldn’t get any higher, they would flip themselves over and land like a gymnast.
• I liked to show them the classic movies, the same ones that I grew up with.  Among our favorites was “The King and I” and we liked to quote from that movie.  When I tried to settle them down for dinner, for example, I would say “Sit! Sit!  Sit!  That is what the king says.”  Eventually they would quote the movie as well, even when it didn’t make any sense to say the lines. 
• My nickname for my three children was “Prodigy, Princess, and Party Animal.”  Grant was the “Prodigy” because he always reading and it was clear from a young age that he was very smart.  Lillian was our “Princess” not only because she was so pretty but also because she had the poise and demeanor of a beauty queen.  Virginia was our “Party Animal” because she was always looking for a good time and was always moving, which cause her some problems in school.  The “Party Animal” was always in a good mood, always friendly, and full of self-confidence.
• Lillian and Virginia cried out of sadness when we read “Of Mice and Men” and George had to shoot Lenny.  They cried out of fear when they saw the first born sons being killed in the mini-series, “Jesus of Nazareth.”  It was nice that they were so sensitive.
• I trained the kids to say “Bunch of Pigs” whenever someone left a mess behind at a restaurant or something.  It was just so cute because they were really young when I started this and they were so emphatic when they said it that I couldn’t help but to laugh.   
• People who knew us over the years would comment on how much my three children had grown.  I loved to say yes, they are getting “Bigger and meaner every day!”  They didn’t like this comment very much but I thought that it was hilarious so I used it all of the time. 
• Music was a big part of our day.  “Mockingbird” was a favorite on the way back from swim practice and I played a lot of show tunes on the way to school.  When my mother-in-law died we went to Cancun and I picked up the girls, one at a time, and danced with them in the aisle as the restaurant played “Fly Me to the Moon.”   Lillian played that song for our dance together at her wedding.

I like to think that heaven is just our best memories playing over and over again in a loop.  If it is, then my heaven will be of Grant allowing me to hold him after bath time when he was so vulnerable and tired.  Lillian will be dancing and spinning around me because she was so happy that I had come to read a book to her class.  Virginia would run up to me when she saw me approaching her at after school care.  She would wrap her arms and legs around me and squeal with joy.  These are my precious memories and I am going to hold onto them forever.