Sunday, November 18, 2018

Thomas and Gail Frazier - History, Eulogy, Stories

                                         Thomas Frazier III Eulogy
            My father was a great man.  He was proud, strong, and driven.  He was full of élan, dash, swagger, and bravado.  The grandchildren did not know who their grandfather was in his prime and so I would like to direct this eulogy to them.
            Born into a middle class family, my father did not come from money.  In his early teens he travelled throughout the west and Midwest as a roadie where he unloaded trucks.  The young Thomas was angry feeling that he had been forced to take on too much responsibility too early.  After being thrown out of three high schools, and never graduating, he asked his father to sign the papers that would admit him into the Air Force at the age of 17.
            Dad was sent to Korea with the First Special Beacon Unit, or ISBU.  His plane would drop flares on enemy targets and then the high altitude planes would come in behind his plane and drop bombs on the flares.  Dad remembered that when he first flew into Pusan, South Korea, he saw flashing lights below his plane and he thought that the South Koreans were setting off fireworks to welcome their allies to the war.  In fact it was the North Koreans who had surrounded Pusan and were trying to shoot down his plane.  Nothing sobers you up more than being shot at and he quickly realized how difficult the Korean War was going to be for him.
            Dad suffered from eczema all of his life and this skin disease had become much worse during his time in Korea.  He was sent to a hospital in Japan at first, and then he was transferred to an Air Force base in Vermont for a long convalescence.  It was there that he met Virginia Strachan and, after a brief courtship, they were married.  From that point he never looked back.  Moving to Minnesota, he earned a GED and then graduated cum laude from the College of St Thomas.  Dad worked for Frank Eiple at first, then the Bartlett Brothers, and then took a job with American Commercial Barge Line where he would work his way through the ranks to become senior vice president.
            My father had many hobbies.  He liked fast and powerful cars and God help you if he was stuck behind you in traffic because he would yell and honk and flash his lights until you got out of his way.  He loved his dogs and on any given night he could be seen feeding the dogs potato chips in front of the TV while watching U of L basketball.  More than anything else, he loved to read and work the crossword puzzle and it was with this hobby that he learned to use college words like élan, dash, swagger, and bravado.      
            After almost 30 years with ACBL my father retired and gradually his health failed him.  When the grandchildren last saw him he was a helpless old man, confined to his living room, drifting in and out of consciousness.  But that is not the way that I want to remember my father.  I want to remember him as the proud man that he was.  Proud to put all four of his children through college.  Proud to send my sister Laura through law school.  And he was proud of all of his grandchildren.
            At the end of his life my father was stripped of everything that he loved, of everything that made him proud.  Yet even at the end of life he was more concerned with others than himself.  During the last phone call that he made he told my Aunt Jean not to get emotional about his death because it was just part of the life cycle.  There were no midnight confessional or last minutes regrets.  My father remained stoic and true to himself until the very end.  For that he will always be my hero and I will miss him        


                                 Virginia Gail Strachan Frazier III Eulogy
            My mother entered into the Masonic Home four years ago and I would visit her every Sunday and I watched her health go downhill.  Her eyes became hollow, looking around but not seeing anything because she was almost blind without her glasses and she was always losing her glasses.  In those hollowed eyes I saw the constant look of fear and anxiety.  Her body had become wrecked.  Her once strong back had taken the form of a perfect “C” as she became molded into the wheelchair.  Her shoulders turned narrow and hunchbacked and the muscles in her legs had turned to jelly from lack of exercise.  My mother forgot that she couldn’t walk and when she tried to stand she would fall and so her face and arms were full of bruises.  Her ankles became bloated because of poor circulation.
            Just like her body, my mother’s mind had become wrecked as well.  It was always in another place.  I always wondered what my mother was thinking about as her brain was coming to grips with Alzheimer’s.  Could it be that in her mind were swirling her favorite memories and she would play those memories in her subconscious over and over again.
            Among those favorite memories must have been the time that there was a snow storm in Vermont.  My mother and my Uncle John took out their sleds to slide down the roof of their parent’s barn.  My grandmother chased them down and chastised them for doing such a foolish thing.
            Another favorite memory was riding the trails on her horse at Inchfawn.  My grandfather had taught my mother how to ride on his horse, Tipperary.  Once my mother became proficient he bought her Clio and Honey.  She became so good at riding that she won a prize for finishing a 100 mile trail ride with Honey.
            Among those memories must have been the time that she went to the USO dance in Burlington but not to dance, she wanted to sit in a corned by herself and read.  It was then that my father, that brash young man, saw her and strutted across the dance floor and introduced himself.  She fell in love with his energy and drive and the two were married within a year.
            My parents moved into the GI housing on the campus of the College of St Thomas.  My father went to class, studied, and took a part time job unloading boxes from trucks to earn some extra money.  My mother worked at Dayton’s Department Store and, when she had gas money, would drive their old maroon Dodge like a banshee through the streets of St Paul.  For one of the few times in her life she felt a new sense of freedom.
            And then came the hard years when Dad was establishing his career and Mom was raising four children virtually by herself.  Dad moved our family, in quick succession, from St Paul to Stillwater to Kansas City to St Louis to Louisville.  Mom was overwhelmed with responsibility and she knew it. When she was admitted to the hospital when my sister was born in St Louis she had to write her occupation in on the admittance form.  My mother wrote for her job title “zookeeper.”
            Once she had raised her family and her children were grown my mother was free to go back to her favorite past time, riding horses.  She bought Andy and Lucky and rode out at Liberty Lane.  After she was thrown from her horse and could no longer ride, my mother would load her dogs into her car and drive out to the pastures.  Her pockets were filled with carrots to feed the horses and she would walk her dogs along the fence line before dawn, arriving in time to watch the sun come up.
            And then my mother lost her mind.  No one wanted to put her into the Masonic Home but she had become a danger to herself and others.  We had to trick my mother into the nursing home and when she realized what was happening she fought back, literally kicking and screaming, holding onto the door frame to stop herself from being forced in.  From a detached perspective the scene must have been somewhat comical but it still haunts me to this day.  Over time she grew to accept her new condition of housing and, over time, her mind diminished and she was gone.
            I visited my mother on Sunday mornings and whenever I turned to leave she would always ask me to take her with me.  I asked her where she would like to go if she left the Masonic Home but she could not give me an answer.  When pressed she would just say that she had to take a train up North but she did not now the ultimate destination of that train.  But I think that I know where that train was going.
            She was going up North to ride her horses again like she used to when she was young, spending hours upon hours on the back woods trails of Renwick Hall and Inchfawn.  Her horses were Tipperary, Clio, Honey, Lucky, A.J., and Andy.
            She was going up North to find the comfort of routine in the long walks along the fence line at Liberty Lane with her dogs in the predawn hours to watch the sun come up.  Her dogs were Thor and Seeba, Roux and Sonailles, Duke and Danny, Beau and Giselle.
            She was going up North, going to heaven, to be with those people that she missed the most, those who had died before her.  Donald.  Arline. Jimmy.  Lanni. James.
            She is going to heaven to lay beside my father, the love of her life, only this time when they lay together it will be side by side, for all eternity, at Cave Hill Cemetery.


                                           Frazier Family History
                                               Thomas Frazier
The Frazier family originally came from Scotland.  They immigrated to New England in 1738 and eventually settled in Virginia as tobacco merchants.
            Thomas Frazier I, my great-grandfather, was originally from New York.  He was sent to New Mexico to attend a military school.  He eventually entered into the general store business in Sante Fe. He them moved to Hiawatha, Kansas where he met my great-grandmother.  She was from the Elliot Family, a border clan between Scotland and England.  The Elliot branch of the family moved to Einade, Oklahoma but grandfather moved his family to Minneapolis where he would become the vice-president of Butler Brothers.  This was a huge department store and was owned by the Corn Exchange Bank.  Great grandfather had stock in this bank, which was bought out by the Chemical Bank, and it had held its worth during the Great Depression.  Great grandfather Frazier lived off of the stock until he died.  Grandfather Frazier used to like to say that his father and his father’s stock expired at about the same time.
            Thomas Frazier, Jr. was born in 1905 in Hiawatha, Kansas but grew up in Minneapolis.  He sold rugs at Marshall Fields, a department store, after school and while he was in his teens.  He met my grandmother when she was 16 and he was 20.  They married, bought their first house in 1931, and my father was born in 1932.  In 1933 Grandpa moved to Rock Island, Wyoming to speculate for oil but failed at that venture and he gave up after a year.  He then took a job with Acme Fast Freight, moved to Davenport, R.I. then to Omaha, Nebraska.  Finally, when dad was just 5 years old, Grandfather moved back to Minneapolis in 1937.
            Grandpa took a job with Tri-City Line, a division of Midnight Express, which is now called Glen Denny Trucking Line.  In 1940, he moved to Northwest Freight Line, a much bigger company, when Frank Wallace hired him as manager in the Twin Cities.  He worked there from 1940-1945.
            Through a loophole in the I.C.C. regulations, my grandfather, Steve Francis, and an attorney set up F. and F. Truck Leasing.  F. And F. leased the tractor, trailer, and driver to companies that could not afford to own them.  The I.C.C. eventually ruled that the driver of the tractor/trailer had to be an employee of the employee that used them.  However, as part of the settlement F. and F. was allowed into the regulated freight business.  F. and F. bought a regular route carrier called Green Bay Transit which ran from Minneapolis to Green Bay.  Then they bought Freight transit, an irregular route carrier of truckload commodities that allowed them to run from Minneapolis to Iowa.  This is important because my father worked on Grandpa’s trucks.  Dad was in his teens and he traveled all over the West, from Montana to Oklahoma, on these trucks.
            In 1955 Grandpa sold his part of the business to his partner over a disagreement over the direction of the company.  In 1958 he invested in the Minneapolis Harbor Service, but withdrew from the company when he realized the owner, Frank Eiple, was cheating him.  This was the same man whom my father worked for when he graduated from St. Thomas.
            In 1960, when Grandpa was 54 years old, he went to work for American Commercial Barge Line.  A.C.B.L. bought out Blasting Lines in the Twin Cities and needed someone to manage the freight.  Grandpa took the job under the condition that he could take off every winter while the harbor was closed.  He bought a trailer in 1965 and kept it on an Indian reservation during the summer.  In the winter they went to New Mexico at first, and then to Big Pine Key in the Florida Keys.  He retired in 1972 and continued to make trips to the South until his eyes gave out and he couldn’t see well enough to travel.  He died in 1982.

Grandmother Frazier
             Grandmother Frazier came from a German family by the name of Eigle.  They moved to America I the 1800s because of the constant state of war that Europe was always in.  Great, great grandfather was a Burgermeister, or mayor, in Germany.  He brought all of his money with him and founded the small town of St. Michael in Minnesota.
            Great Grandmother Flannery (her married name) married a man whose family came to America in the 1840’s during the Irish Potato Famine.  They were originally from Cork, in Mayo County, Ireland.  Born in 1852, Great Grandfather Flannery fought in the Union Army at Vicksburg and Sherman’s March to the Sea.  The Flannery’s then moved to Red Wing, Minnesota.  My great grandfather owned the hotel where Jesse James stayed before the outlaw began his bank-robbing career.  Great Grandfather Flannery’s last job was working on the Great Northern railroad.  He lied about his age, realizing that if he told the truth about his age he would not get full benefits when he retired.  So instead of working until he was 65, he was able to work until he was 75 and he died in 1940, one year before his 50th wedding anniversary. 
            Great Grandfather Flannery was survived by his wife and his four daughters.  Great Grandmother Flannery lived another twenty years before having a stroke.  She was given a free pass on the Great Northern Railroad to use whenever she wanted to use it after her husband died but she only used it twice.

          
        

                                           Strachan Family History
Donald Strachan
Donald Strachan was born in Brooklyn, N.Y. on July 26th, 1885.  He tried to get into West Point and was attending a prep school when the congressman who was going to make the appointment died.  The new congressman refused to honor the appointment and so Grandfather went to the University of Virginia’s law school.  He graduated in 1904 and established a law practice in New York.
            Grandfather joined the New York National Guard and before WWI he was sent into Mexico to find Pancho Villa.  During the Great War he was in the American Expeditionary Force, Rainbow Division, and he fought in France.  He made captain, and then major, and after the war he became a founding member of the King’s County American Legion in Brooklyn.
            After WWI grandfather continued his law practice.  He was the assistant U.S. Attorney General in Brooklyn and was in charge of prohibition.  It was said that grandfather had the best stock of liquor in Brooklyn because a lot of the confiscated liquor went into private stocks.  Yet grandfather made a name for himself by successfully prosecuting Ginger Jake, who was selling liquor that had been tainted with gas and that would poison anyone who drank the alcohol.
            In 1932 Grandfather ran for the U.S. Congress.  He was the republican candidate from the seat that was centered in Brooklyn.  Uncle John likes to say that if Grandfather made the same speeches today that he made in 1932, he would be lynched.  This was the time of the Great Depression and Republican candidates were not popular.  Grandfather lost the election.
            Free from military obligations and political constraints, Grandfather concentrated on his career.  He traveled the world working on oil leases.  He passed through the Khyber Pass in Afghanistan before his friend, Lowell Thomas, the American write and traveler who was best known as the man who made Lawrence of Arabia famous.  He took care to dress well and bought his heavy wool clothes from Bonn Street in London.  He was in Germany in 1936.  It was in that year that he moved his family to Renwick Hall, his mansion in Connecticut.  He went into the sugar mill business and started Fajaba Sugar with Mr. Bass.  This is the same man who founded the famous Bass Museum in New York.  He was bitter about being denied a partnership in Fajaba and so when WWII broke out Grandfather joined the Judge Advocate general and traveled to North Africa and Italy.  He was discharged after suffering a stroke.  At that point he was over 60 years old and he was sent home to recover.
            In 1949 Grandfather moved his family to Warren, Vermont.  When the Korean War broke out he was invited to take a R.O.T.C. station but Grandfather declined saying that the military had no right to ask him into the service after discharging him in WWII.  Donald had a series of strokes and in September of 1956 he became incapacitated and was eventually moved to an institution in Waterbury, Connecticut.  He died of malnutrition on November 13th, 1957, having a massive stroke the year before and he was in a coma until he died.  He was a great man but he left very little for his family.  He was unable to manage his funds during WWII, he had a lot of medical expenses, but the main problem was that he let three states act as executors of his will.  He had residences in N.Y., Connecticut, and Vermont.  These three states bled off a lot of funds and Grandmother was left with less than $50,000 and a National Guard pension.  Grandfather Strachan is buried in Cypress Hill Cemetery in Brooklyn, N.Y.

Arlene Strachan
            John Berith Warnock (Mom called him Papa Daddy) married Eleanor Phillips and they had two children: Arlene and Evelyn.  John Warnock had worked at the Fajardo Sugar Company, a sugar plantation in the West Indies, all of his life.  When the president of Fajardo, Mr. Coombs, died John Warnock was able to become a partner of the company.  First, however, he had to prove the viability of his partnership and his son-in-law, Donald Strachan, was able to make this possible.  Donald had many political connections and used them to help his father-in-law.  However, Donald was cut out of the deal.  He was bitter about how he was treated and so he joined the army to fight in WWII.  Meanwhile, John Warnock’s wife dies and he remarried to Helen McClain.  When John Warnock died his estate was worth about a million dollars and it was cut up into thirds:  Helen McClain, Evelyn’s and Bill Zinke, and Arlene and Donald Strachan.  Helen and Arlene feuded over the money and the fact that Arlene married a man much older than herself while Helen would remarry a man much younger than herself.  Donald would sue Helen for a large part of the estate and the legalities on came to rest with the death of Donald in 1956. 
            Arline Strachan was born on October 17th, 1907.  She attended the Northfield School for Girls and The Packer institute.  When she was 23 years old she married Donald Strachan.  Born on July 26, 1885, Donald was 22 years older than Arline when they married on October 3, 1931.  Donald earned an undergraduate degree from Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute.  West Point.  In 1910 he graduated from the University of Virginia’s Law School.  Donald moved back to Westport after the war to become the town prosecutor. 
Arline and Donald had four children.  Virginia Gail Strachan was born on November 10, 1933.  She was named after the state of Virginia, where Donald Strachan earned his law degree.  Leonie was born in 1935 and received a PhD. in education.  John was born in 1936, earned his undergraduate degree from Bowden College, and graduated from the University of Virginia’s law school.  Blair was born in 1940 and has been married to Bob Hall since 1964.  Sharon was born in 1944 and worked at Rutgers’s University for almost 30 years.  After Donald was buried, Arline remained in Burlington until 1962, when Sharon graduated from Northfield.  After a series of moves, she lived in a townhouse in Warren from 1962 to 1966.  After that she moved to Florida to be with her sister.  Wanting to see a change of the seasons and to be close to Blair, Arline moved back to Vermont in 1973.  Her son-in-law, Bob Hall, built her a beautiful house, the black and blue house, in Starksboro, Vermont.  She would remain in that house for eleven years.
In 1984 Arline moved out of the black and blue house to live in Bristol, VT.  She remained in that house for ten more years until it became apparent that she could no longer care for herself.  In September of 1994 she moved into the Converse Home in Burlington.  It was a long-term health care facility but she couldn’t stay there because she could no longer walk on her own.  Her final move was to The Birchwood Home in July of 1995, where she would remain until she died on January 3rd, 1996.  Like her husband, Airline’s cause of death was malnutrition, and she was buried in the Warnock family mausoleum in Westport, Connecticut.     
            
                                                Virginia Gail Strachan
Virginia Gail Strachan was born on November 10, 1933.  She attended grade school and high school in Westport, Connecticut.  She was very proud of the fact that her father built Renwick Hall in 1935.  I have never seen it but apparently it was a mansion sitting on 150 acres of land.  So large was the estate that Mom took her horse, Clio, out for rides for hours at a time.  Grandfather sold Renwick Hall and then moved the family to Vermont.  Renwick Hall was on the market for two years before it was sold.  The first time it was sold, in 1952, the Joseloff Family bought it.  The house was featured in Town and Country Magazine after it had been redecorated.  It would soon pass onto Winn Elliot, a sportswriter an east coast newspaper, who would set the hall on fire not once, but twice, presumably to get the insurance money since he was over his head with bills.
            Grandfather bought Inchfaun, a new estate in Warren Vermont, which was settled on 400 acres of land.  Uncle Bill and Aunt Ev Zinke shared the property with Grandfather Strachan.  Grandfather died in 1958 after being in a coma for two years.  The family fortunes suffered and Grandmother Strachan must have been forced to sell the property.
My mother graduated from high school in 1950 and it was in this year that she and her family moved permanently to Vermont.  Mom attended Green Mountain College but only completed one of a two-year program because she was so unhappy there.  In 1951 Mom moved back to Inchfaun and worked at Sears.  In her spare time she would go to U.S.O. parties thrown for the servicemen and it was there that she met my father.  They were married one year later on June 6th, 1953.
My parents waited five years before having their first child in1958.  Dad spent that time going to St. Thomas College and establishing his career.  Mom spent her time working at Dayton’s and driving that little red sports car that she loved so much around town.  They lived in an old army barracks at first, then they moved into an apartment, and finally they moved to Stillwater, which is about 30 miles outside of Minneapolis.  Dad worked at Frank Eiple’s barge line after he graduated.  The first three children were born in Minneapolis: Cheryl in 1958, Thomas in 1960, and I was born in 1962.   My parents moved to Kansas City for just over a year, and then to St. Louis for about six months.  Laura was born in St. Louis in 1965 while Grandmother Strachan came down from Vermont to help.  Finally, in 1965, we moved to Louisville.  Dad bought two dogs, Thor and Seeba, because he felt like every family should have its own dogs.     





                                    Thomas Frazier III: Notes
            Dad suffered from eczema, a malady that would remain with him for his whole life, and, since he was the oldest, he often asked his younger siblings to apply the medicine onto his back.  Sometimes he itched so badly that he couldn’t sleep and he ended up reading the night away before attending school the next day.  He had read so much that he had read every historical novel in the Minneapolis Public Library and he had his name on their list to read the new book arrivals.  When the itching became so bad and Dad missed more than one night of sleep, he was prescribed phenobarbital, a very strong narcotic.  Occasionally, his family woke up and found that my father was nowhere around.  The narcotic had make him so groggy he couldn't figure out how to get into the house and to bed so he slept outside and underneath a tree.
            While he was in high school, he frequently worked setting pins at the local bowling alley.  Curfews were strictly enforced so he had to develop strategies for avoiding the police as he was setting pins after the nine p.m. curfew.  Once he hid up in the machinery, and at another time, he ran down the alley and pretended he was with the family he was setting pins for.
            After his freshman year in high school, my father decided to join a traveling circus.  He hitchhiked to Texas and joined the circus for a summer job.  The summer before his senior year in high school, a truck driver in the circus got sick, and Dad took over driving a semi.  The truck had a Ferris wheel on it and that is a heavy load for a novice to handle.  While driving down a road towards a Montana town, Dad lost his brakes because he had not down shifted enough, and he sped straight through the town with his horn blaring.  This same situation had happened to other drivers, so the townspeople knew what was happening and cleared the streets before anyone could get hurt.  When the truck finally came to a complete stop, and the police showed up, no one seemed to know who was driving.  Dad had skedaddled.  When the circus came back up north to Fargo, Dad left it and hitched a ride home. 
            An assistant principal at Washburn High School claimed he spotted my father smoking from three blocks away.  My grandfather went to the assistant principal’s office to voice his disbelief that he could have seen my father violating the rules from such a distance.  The assistant principal would not give an inch so my grandfather pulled my father from Washburn and sent him to Roosevelt High School for his senior year.  Dad continued to be a rebel, sneaking out every day after lunch for a cigarette, and he decided that public school wasn’t for him.  After a semester at Roosevelt, he decided withdraw and join the Air Force, where he earned his GED.
The skin disease that had plagued him did not leave my father while he was serving in Korea.  The local farmers fertilized the soil with manure and once the stuff dried up it blew away with the wind.  Dad’s eczema became much worse when the dust settled onto his skin and he became so debilitated that he was sent to a hospital in Japan to recover.  Eventually, the Air Force sent him to a base in Vermont, where he enjoyed a long convalescence and he met my mother.
While he was attending St. Thomas, my father earned extra money by driving a tanker for Archer Daniels Midland.  He would left school after his last class on Fridays, pick up his fully loaded tanker, and drive to New  England, and be back in time for his classes on Monday.

                                    Good Childhood Memories
·         At the Ocean Ranch there was a children’s hour where we played games like, “I see something that you don’t see and the color is…” and you got a free milkshake if you guessed correctly.  They also had a sand castle building competition.  Finally, we could order a burger from the restaurant and charge it to the room without getting permission first.  We thought that was the greatest thing ever.
·         In Vermont, we distracted ourselves by going swimming in the pond.  There was a long wooden pier that we jumped off, and then we swam over to the canoe or rowboat that the Hall’s had at the pond.  Other attractions were playing in the barn and going to Grandma’s house for dinner.
·         In Minnesota, we walked to Lake Minnehaha to swim.  It was probably too cold to get into the water but we did it anyway.  Also, we walked to the creek and played with the clay that made up the banks.
·         Dad used to love to barbeque steak on the charcoal grill.  He had it down to a science, letting the meat marinate all day and then having the meat cook on the fire for a very specific amount of time.  He served it with French fried onion rings and it was the best meal that I ever had.
·         Swim meets were a big deal while I was growing up.  They were held at Plantation Country Club and we built tent cities underneath the bleachers where we would play cards while waiting for our events.  Mom made us jelly sandwiches on raisin bread that has a frosting on it.
·         Dad’s favorite meal that Mom cooked was leg of lamb served with mint jelly and strawberry shortcake for dessert.  He liked to let the short cake to stew in the strawberry juice for a while so that it could soak up the juice.
·         My father always kept catalogues of boats for sale on the table in the family room.  He always wanted a boat and the one picture where I think he was at his happiest was the one where he went deep sea fishing on a daylong expedition in the Gulf.
·         We raced home after school so that we could watch “Presto the Clown,” “Speed Racer,” and “Ultraman.”  On Saturday mornings, we watched “Lidsville,” “The Bugaloos,” “The Hudson Brothers,” “Sigmund the Sea Monster,” “The Land of the Lost,” and “The Banana Bunch.”  On Sunday mornings, we watched “Star Trek” at 11:00 and, while waiting for that television show to start, we watched old movies.  There was a rotation of “Abbott and Costello,” “Martin and Lewis,” “Shirley Temple,” “Tarzan,” “The Three Stooges,” and the old black and white monster movies like “Frankenstein,” “Dracula,” and “The Wolfman.”    
·         If the teachers at Holy Trinity wanted to show us a filmstrip then we would have to go to a special viewing room next to Principal Julie Anne’s office.  For example, we saw “Cree Finds the Way,” and “Jot” in that room.
·         We used to walk up to the “Convenient” store, even if we didn’t have any money, and stare longingly at the “Icee” machine, wishing that we could buy some of that liquid sugar.
·         Dad was a serious poker player and he kept a jar filled with his winnings on his dresser.  Mom told us to go to their bedroom and grab a few coins when we needed lunch money.

·         Our grandparents drove through Louisville on the way back to Minnesota in their mobile home.  They parked it on Long Boat Key for the winter or drove it to Mexico.  The souvenirs that they bought back for us included maracas, hermit crabs, and Mexican jumping beans.
·         We all felt pure joy when we saw the spire of the Eifel Tower at King’s Island when our parents took us to the park during the summer.
·         We used to sneak downstairs after my parents had a bridge party so that we could eat the left over candy.
·         Dad used to stand on the front porch and whistle loudly to call us to dinner.  Mom would ring a bell.
·         On Saturday afternoons, Mom made grilled cheese sandwiches.  On Sundays, after mass, she made waffles.
·         ACBL had an annual picnic on the Ohio River.  They had ponies, Bingo, clowns, sack races, and a seemingly bottomless trough of Coke.  We were in heaven.
·         The neighborhood kids would get together to play “Ghost in the Graveyard,” “Hot Potato,” “Four Square,” and street volleyball.
·         Searching for salamanders under the drain and crawdads in the creek, and playing in the woods behind the Rowan’s house.   
·         Climbing the Morton’s tree, crawling through the sewer tunnel, floating down the creek when it flooded, swinging on the Helmeyer’s swing, scaling the wall in the Pfeiffer’s back yard, and jumping on the Rowan’s trampoline. 

Thursday, October 18, 2018

Ironman Louisville October 14 2018

     There were no foreboding dark clouds on the horizon for the weeks leading up to Ironman Day to warn me about how grueling this experience was going to be.  I had prepared for race day by swimming the full 2 1/2 mile swim several times, running 18 miles twice along with many other long distance runs, and I had done several centuries on the bike.  The last time that I rode over a 100 miles I had to stop at mile 108 because I had heat exhaustion but I thought that was a good sign because I had suffered for my sport and had earned the right to put my feet on the starting line.  In short, I had done everything right; I was mentally prepared, my training and diet went well, my weight was down to 178 (the lightest that I had been since high school), and I had a good taper.
My last workout was the Wednesday before Ironman Sunday, so I had a couple of days to distract myself before the big event.  This is more difficult than you might think because I am used to always being on the go, either working or training, and it is hard for me to relax.  The banquet was on Friday, the bike check in on Saturday, and the excess time was filled with reading or the movies.  The night before Ironman Day I like to sequester myself in the bedroom at around 4:00 and then go to bed early.  This way I can obsess about the big day without inflicting myself on the other members of my family.  What I was the most worried about was the swim because as soon as I got into the water last year I had a panic attack when the cold water washed over me.  Also, I worried about the rain and how all of my gear was getting wet but then it occurred to me that everything that I have is disposable, even the bike, and the only reason why I had it in the first place was for race day.
Arriving at the swim line before 6:00 am because I like to drink in the energy of the other triathletes before the race begins, I stripped down to my wetsuit at 7:15 to get ready for the walk down to the starting line.  We knew that there were issues with the swim when the line didn't move down to the docks.  The announcer got on the intercom to tell us that the race would be delayed while they made a decision about the swim.  He came on a second time, quite awhile later, to tell us that the current was too strong to swim upstream so the swim was cut to .9 miles and we would only be swimming with the current downstream.  There was a collective groan throughout the line as the triathletes realized that they may not be able to call themselves Ironmen if they didn't go the whole distance.  My thought was that this was a bad break but there was nothing that I could do about it so I sat down and watched my bare feet turn purple while I sat on the cold cement.
As had happened last year, as soon as I jumped into the water, I had heart palpitations.  They weren't as bad as they were last year but they were continuous and lasted for the whole swim.  The race officials had us jump in out of one line, instead of the usual two, and we were to straight out to the buoys in the Ohio River but the current was so strong that we were swept away before we could swim out that far.  I could have laid on my back and not moved my limbs and still have a PR time because the river was moving so fast.  Making my way to the exit, I took care that the current didn't sweep me past the stairs, as we had been warned that many triathletes overshot the exit during the practice swim.  After the strippers took off my wetsuit I ran to the T1 transition tent to open my bike bags.  My kit managed to stay reasonable dry even after it had spent all night in the rain and I changed clothes, mounted my bike, and began the most grueling ride of my life.
There was not one moment when the bike was enjoyable.  In fact, if I hadn't been cheered on by my wife and children, then the whole day would have been pure misery.  The temperature was in the low 40s and I simply could not get warm.  The wind and the rain hit us intermittently all day as we froze.  My sunglasses were streaming with rain water and they fogged up so that I couldn't see; they were useless to block out the sun because I never saw the sun for the whole 8 1/2 hours when I was on the bike.  Also, I was having chest pains on the bike, a certain tightness on the insides of my ribs, and I was worried about having a heart attack.  My only thought during the course of the day was that I was miserable and that I was never going to do this again.  The plan was to get back to the T2 tent, drop off my bike kit, and then go to the medical tent to lie down and get warm.  Only then would  I decide if I was going to give the run a throw.
Once I actually got to the tent I was inspired by the other triathletes who changing into their running clothes that I decided not to stop.  I had been so traumatized by the bike that I had difficulty concentrating on the task of changing clothes.  The mere act of putting on a new shirt had to be broken down into small tasks.  This done, I exited the test without taking a break, for I knew what was coming and I needed all of the time that I could get to finish the run.  It was a death march from the beginning to the end.  I paced myself well, stopped when I felt dizzy, and ate cookies and drank chicken broth to sustain myself.  After the first loop I had a hard time picking up my feet and tripped on a small break in the pavement on Winkler Avenue.  I landed hard, taking a body blow to my rib cage, and my knees and elbows were bleeding from the force of the fall.  Writhing in pain, trying to do a body check to see how bad I really was, two Louisville police officers ran up to me and picked me up from the ground.  This was just one in many instances were the officers on duty, and the volunteers throughout the day, made a miserable experience a little tolerable.  My body was so sore after the fall that I couldn't bend over to tie my own shoes.  Still, I soldiered on, a little full of myself as I passed through second Iroquois, because I was sure that I had enough gas in the tank to complete the whole race.
Suddenly, my race was over.  The ACL in both of my knees had been bothering me since Sligo on the bike.  Now, on the run, at Churchill Downs, both knees locked up.  I literally could not walk any more, much less run, and had to stop my race at Cardinal Boulevard.  I only had three miles to go and would have crawled them if I had more time.  Spotting a police officer at the intersection, i asked her to call for the pick up van, and I turned in my chip.  It is so tough to have done all of that training, and to have endured all of the hardships of the day, only to be felled by a strained ACL, an injury that I hadn't prepared for because I had no idea that it was going to be an issue.
Wort, an unusual name for the big man who drove the pick up van, gave me a ride to the medical tent.  I cried out in pain when I had to bend my knee to get out of the van because any strain on the ACL put me in a world of hurt.  Once I cried out the first time, I continued to cry because of the frustration and disappointment that I was feeling.  My arm was draped around Wort' shoulder and he passed me onto two nurses, clearing uncomfortable carrying this emotional triathlete, who helped me lie down on the cot because I could not bend my body.  Everything hurt.  Once down I couldn't get back up, even to drink some Sprite or eat a cookie, and I passed in and out of consciousness, wondering why in the hell do I do this to myself.

Thursday, March 1, 2018

The Swim

 
All of the pre-race calm that I have been trying to instill in myself quickly disappears as I jump into the open water havoc.  To ensure that my goggles don’t fly off of my face, and to be sure that I don't hit another triathlete while entering the water, I jump in feet first.  I look like a five year old getting into the water for the first time, but I don’t care how I look.  There is an initial shock when my whole body is temporarily submerged in the channel that leads to the Ohio River.  It is colder and darker than I expected it to be and, even though I mentally prepared for this first moment of the race, the cold and the dark come as a surprise to me.  As the boxer Mike Tyson said, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.”  Jumping into the water is like getting a punch in the face.  
Maybe it was the excitement of the day, or being surrounded by all of those other swimmers, or maybe I started off to fast, but I had a panic attack.  My whole chest tightened up and it felt like an elephant was sitting on my ribs.  I couldn't breathe.  I thought that I was going to die.  I have had heart palpitations before and knew that if I just gave it a moment or two then my heart problems would pass but this time it was different.  This time it was my whole chest and the problem wouldn't go away.  At our mandatory race meeting the officials told us that if we have any troubles in the water then we could grab onto one of the kayaks, which were floating in the channel for such an emergency.  I started to look around for a kayak to hold onto but didn't see one within an easy swim distance.  I had to find a way to handle this situation on my own or sink.
A real fear sets in as I suddenly find myself in the middle of a swarm of other swimmers while having a panic attack.  I try to breathe correctly, but it is difficult with all of the splashing around.  In addition to my chest tightening my heart feels like it has stopped beating or at least it feels like my heart rate has slowed down.  Then, with an involuntary flutter, my heart starts beating normally and my brain comes alive with a new flush of blood.  All of this internal commotion makes me dizzy and I begin to worry because I remember that one year a 48 year old triathlete died of a heart attack in this very same channel and the officials had to stop the race and fish out his body.  One comforting thought was that, if I died in the water, then at least I would die like a warrior.  It was a stupid thought to have, and an irresponsible one since I have a blind wife and three children depending on me.  Since Ironman Day I have learned that heart palpitations come from stress and they are not unusual for triathletes to endure.  My emotions are heightened but deep down inside I know that I didn’t enter this race to die.  I know my body well enough to know what it is capable of and I refuse to let this panic attack get the best of me.  I am an experienced swimmer and I find confidence in my ability to stay above the water.  After allowing myself to bob in the water for a while longer, I practice biofeedback to calm myself down, and transition myself back into the freestyle stroke, and begin to propel myself forward.  
Eventually the symptoms subsided, but they wouldn't completely go away until I had cleared the channel.  A panic attack is the absolute worst way to begin a race but the initial flush of fear and anxiety are behind me now as the large group of swimmers makes its way out of the channel and into the Ohio River.  The water is choppy on Ironman Day because of the strong winds.  There are waves and even some white caps and I have the unique sensation of feeling the water move me up and down while I tried to propel myself forward.  I haven't had that experience since I did a triathlon in Lake Michigan, and, since I wasn't used to the cross current, having trained in a pool, I ended up with quite a bit of water in my mouth.  Only when I am able to stick my head up out of the water and take a few strokes do I feel better.  If I let my fears get the best of me and panic at this initial foray into the water, then this race is over before I even have a chance to start it.  To gain control of my fears I have to figure out how safe I am, so the first thing to do is to see how close the other triathletes are to me.  Once they have been spotted, I can stake out my own territory and, since I am slower than the elites, it is better if I swim off to the side and let them go by.
We are all bunched up during the swim and I am continuously hit with elbows and feet and hands and knees.  The water is so crowded that I stay in the safety of the fringe of the pack so that I don't hit another triathlete.  This strategy doesn’t always work and I am hit in the mouth by a woman who has a metal watch.  The watch cut my mouth and I was worried that the wound would get infected and contract hepatitis in the polluted Ohio River.  There are triathletes all around me, vying for position, and, since I just want to finish the race and am not concerned about my time, I remain off to the side.  The adrenaline is coursing through my veins and my heart is racing and I try to settle down by getting into a routine of counting 20 strokes and then poking my head out of the water to sight the buoys.  The problem with the open water swim is that you can't see anything.  The river is dark, my goggles invariably fog up and I have to stop at least once to clean them off so that I can see well enough to know that I am at least going in the right direction.  
My mind is now set on the immediate object of finishing the swim portion of the race, but it is not going well.  Unlike swimming laps in an enclosed pool where I can see the bottom of the pool,  I have to continuously site myself to make sure that I am pointing in the right direction.  I try to align myself with the other triathletes and sight the shore to tell where I am but, in order to see the final objective, I have to lift my head and face forward.  This breaks up the momentum of my swim as I have to come to an almost complete stop to sight the buoys which mark our way.  I have trained for this situation, however, and doing all of those laps with the butterfly stroke is paying off.  The pushing down motion to keep my head up is good practice for sighting in the Ohio River.

Thursday, February 1, 2018

The Long Walk Home

I finally finished the Ironman.  The race itself is over but that isn’t the end of the day.  After making my way through the gate I have to go and pick up my bag that I had dropped off with my morning clothes. A volunteer allowed me to drape my arm around her for support and then she gave me my finisher’s shirt and medal.  She pointed out where to pick up my morning bag from the convention center and told me that there was free pizza and soft drinks for the finishers.  Of course, I ate my fill of free pizza as a reward for all that I had been through that day, and then I began the long walk to the area where our bikes are parked.  It is about a mile walk to the bikes and this is after competing in the race for fifteen and a half hours.  I don’t want to make the walk but I don’t want my bike to stay out in the open overnight and I certainly didn’t want to come back to the transition area early the next morning to pick it up.  After I get my bike and two more bags, one with my bike kit in it and the other with my wetsuit, I have to walk another mile back to my car.  It is an anti-climactic and painful way to end the day but it has to be done. 
On the walk back to the car I check myself to see if there is anything that will cause me long-term pain.  Fortunately, I get away from race day relatively unscathed.  Along with the usual muscle cramps and sore back, I find that I am missing two toe nails.  This is one of the open secrets about being an Ironman; toe nails have a tendency to fall off and, when they grow back, they are often times misshapen.    
 After arriving at my house at about 2:30 in the morning, I decide that I will sleep in and have already taken a personal day so I won’t be going into work.  The responsible thing to do is to clean my equipment to make it ready for more training, so I oil down my bike and wash out the urine from my wetsuit.  Now that I have finished the race, I decide that I am going to reward myself with a tattoo.  I have it all planned out.  It is the Ironman logo within a laurel wreath, which symbolizes victory.  At the bottom of the logo I have the included the Roman numerals for 140.6 or the sum total of miles that are on the Ironman course.  This tattoo is my way of bragging that I finished the race but it is also a chip on my shoulder in that I will have to keep earning the tattoo or it will become a joke.  If I get fat, those people who see it will tell me that it is ironic that I have an Ironman tattoo, so I have to stay fit.  This tattoo is more than body art, it is a way to motivate myself to train and represents my commitment to triathlon.  It is a reminder to myself and anyone else who sees it that I am an Ironman.

Monday, January 1, 2018

Half Marathon to Prep for the Ironman

The Half Marathon as a Prep Race
            To prepare for the Ironman I like to run in the half marathon that is held in April in our city every year.  I like to run as fast as possible during the half marathon just to test myself because I know that during the Ironman I will not be going fast at all after the swim and the bike.  And yet my time this year was about four minutes slower than last year.  It wasn’t my time that bothered me so much, it was just that I had a lousy run.  My muscles ached and my hips hurt and I just wasn’t into it.  That was a blow to my ego because I thought that I was past the painful part of running a 13.1 mile race but apparently I have to keep learning the same lesson.  Races are painful.  Training is painful.  The Ironman is just a few months away and, if my effort of the half marathon is any gauge, I don’t know if I can be ready.  My racing days are about over and, although I didn’t expect for the mini marathon to be easy, I certainly didn’t think that it was going to be this hard.  The thought occurred to me once again that maybe I should find another sport because this one just hurts too much.
After I finished the half marathon and collected my medal I drove home and parked the car in the garage and just sat there.  I was so physically drained that I knew if I tried to stand then I would pass out on the concrete floor next to the car.  And yet I could feel the diarrhea working its way through my intestines.  After every fast run I have GI problems because I have jarred my system but this time I couldn’t make it to the toilet on time.  My choice was to get out of the car and pass out on the floor or stay in the car and shit myself and so I shit myself as I laid my head back and drifted in and out of consciousness.  I broke out into a cold sweat and started to shiver even though it felt like it was ninety degrees on the inside of my car.  I was a prisoner of my own devices and, try as I may, I could not force myself out of my seat.  As I was sitting in the car I became nauseated by the heat and the smell of the excrement collecting in my pants.  I grabbed the swag bag full of ads and promotions that the race organizers have provided for us and prepared to throw up into it.  Usually after a big race I get the dry heaves but this time I didn’t even have the energy to do that.
            After an hour and a half in the car I thought that I could safely walk to my apartment without passing out.  As soon as I stood up all of that diarrhea that had been kept up inside of my body due to the pressure of my sitting on the car seat, came flooding out.  As I got into the elevator I saw that an old man was already in there.  He asked me how the race went, knowing that I had just returned from the half-marathon because I still had my bib number on and was wearing my racing kit.  I said that it was a rough race and yet I still managed to finish it in an hour and forty-nine minutes, all the while praying that the excrement didn’t leak out of my shorts and dribble down my leg.
            Mercifully I made it back to the apartment without any other encounters.  I stepped into the shower with all of my clothes on but, before I turned on the water, I took off my shorts and the shit just went everywhere.  I struggled to get the rest of my clothes of and then rinsed the excrement off of my legs, out of my shorts, and then off of the floor of the shower room.  I toweled myself off and hobbled my way to my bed and slid in between the sheets without any clothes on because I didn’t have the energy to put on even a pair of underwear.  I was still shaking from the effort of the race and I wanted to do was to sleep.  My whole body hurt; hips, ankles, back and knees.  My G.I. track was still acting up and it was not done revolting against me for the pressure that I had put upon it during the race. Three hours later I got up, ate some dinner, and then went back to bed.
            The thing is that it was a pretty good race for me.  I prepared well, even though I didn’t put enough running miles on the road, and watched my nutrition.  While I was waiting at the starting line I massaged my leg muscles to loosen up.  On the course my abdominal muscles cramped up twice and I had to walk awhile.  On two other occasions my G.I. track started to act up but I thought that I could walk it off before the conclusion of the race because my GI track felt like it was on fire.  With a total of four stops I suppose that I should feel lucky that I finished in less than two hours.
            Why do I do this to myself?  That is the question that I constantly ask myself.  A full day after the race I could still feel my G.I. issues coming on and I was still shaking a little bit.  The real reason why I do this is that I have no idea.  I humiliated myself by shitting on myself and I have wasted a whole day sleeping it off.  And this was just a half marathon; it takes me about a month to fully recover from the Ironman.  I promise myself that I will never do this to myself again.  And yet, as the pain fades away and the shaking stops, I know that I will sign up for the mini-marathon again just like I’ll sign up for the Ironman again until something makes me stop this foolishness.

Friday, December 1, 2017

The Finish Line

                                                                      The Finish Line

Louisville is known for having the best finish line of all of the Ironman competitions.  There is a historic street downtown which has been closed off and the city put a roof over to make it into a restaurant and shopping district.  It is called 4th Street Live and it is known in the triathlon circles having the most dramatic endings of any race.  The finish line is on the first floor and there is a second floor where the fans can cheer on their favorite triathletes.  The roof covering 4thStreet Live seals in all of the noise coming from the amplifiers and from the cheering crown so the whole block is reverberating, almost like being on the inside of a drum.  The finish line is roped off so that the triathletes enter a chute that leads to a huge gate with a clock on top so that the triathlete can have his or her picture taken with the official time above his head.
                It was a dramatic finish for me.  This year I had finished the swim and bike in record time but, even though I had tried several times to run fast on the second half of the marathon, I just didn’t have the legs.  My thought was that if I could just keep moving forward then I could finish the run in the time that was allotted to me.  All that I wanted to do was to finish the race but in order to do that I needed to stay hydrated.  My body needed water and salt and so I drank the chicken broth that is given to the triathletes at the aid stations.  I drank too much of it too quickly and ended up throwing up a lot of what I just drank in front of a little girl.  The kid asked me several times if I was alright and I kept heaving up the broth while bending over in front of her.  That wasn’t even the most humiliating thing that happened to me that day.  I became cold on the run and had to ask a volunteer for a garbage bag to wear for the second half of the marathon to try to keep my body warm.  It is an image of myself that I do not like to recall; intermittently walking and jogging with a big black bag pluming over most of my body and feeling horrible.  I looked weak and sickly and anything but heroic.  
        Then, with just one block left, the adrenaline kicked in and I stripped off the garbage bag and started to run to the finish line.  Apparently the legs that would not work for me for the past twelve miles had one more block in them.  Also, when I heard the crowd cheering and the music thumping and the lights blinding me, I could no longer feel the pain.  Instead, there was a weird floating sensation, almost like I was experiencing someone else’s memory of passing through the finisher’s chute.  It was surreal, like I was running to heaven by running towards the lights.  All around me was darkness but straight ahead it was light and I could hear the crowd cheering on the finishers.  I started to cry because I needed the release but stopped myself because I didn’t want my finisher’s picture to be about an ugly face.  Instead, I high-fived the fans and raised my hand into a clenched fist for victory.  Suddenly I looked up, expecting to see the Jumbo Tron but instead seeing the American flag that was draped over the finish line and I was struck by how pretty it was.  Having never served in the military I hadn’t had the experience of seeing the flag in battle but this was pretty close and I now have a better understanding of the intense patriotism of the people who are in uniform.  That flag was my last memory of the finish line.
After crossing the finish line the Ironmen are given their medal and t-shirt wrapped in a hat as a reward for all of their efforts.  Then we are escorted off to the side where a photographer takes our picture.  That photograph pretty much tells the whole story of race day.  My face is thin and bloodless, my eyes are hollow, and there are tinges of yellow all over my skin.  I look like a lunatic in my official picture, the stress of the day showing in my face, but I didn’t care.  It was such a relief to have finally finished this race, to make the physical pain of the day stop, and to feel the release of the emotions that have been welling up in me all day.  The moment of crossing the finish line after a whole year’s worth of training was overwhelming. It took me seventeen hours to do it but I completed the Ironman.  It was a long and grueling day but it was worth it to hear the announcer say "Jeff Frazier, you are an Ironman!"   It feels so good to get that monkey off of my back because I haven't finished the race in the previous three years.   
It was one of the greatest achievements in my whole life and completing it meant so much more to me because my family was there to support me. Tracey and my daughters came down to the finish line and waited for over an hour and a half to watch me cross the finish line.  They didn’t see me until the last minute and so I didn’t hear them cheer but when I made my way through the chute to the exit they had leaned over the fencing to get my attention.  I kissed my wife and hugged my daughters and thanked them for all of their support for all of these years.  
When I went to school the next day the whole administration came out of their offices to say congratulations and then they made an announcement over the intercom.  My father-in-law and son-in-law came out to the race to cheer me on.  In terms of support it just could not have been a more perfect event for me..  The only thing that would have made it better would be if my parents were still alive to see me cross the finish line.  My mother and father would never have said it to my face but I know that they would be proud of me.
And finally, what was really memorable about the day were the crowds.  People cheered us on as we jumped into the river and again when we got out of the water.  As we clipped on our shoes to start the bike portion of the day there was a large crowd cheering for us.  At some of the major intersections throughout the bike ride and on the run there were people yelling encouragements to us.  I felt like a hero with all of those people cheering me on and I thanked them and high fived them as much as possible.  How can I give that up?  When I think of the cheering of the fans and the adulation of the little kids I begin to think that maybe I have one more Ironman in me.  I’ll take a couple of days off and then I will start training for next year.

Whitman

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