South Africa

      Monday, September 12, 2022:  We flew from Atlanta to Johannesburg, a flight that lasted fifteen hours and forty minutes, the longest flight available.  Everyone on the tour was a little punchy after the flight but the River Palm Resort, which just reopened in January, was worth the journey.  Each room had a private balcony overlooking the Zambezi River where we were able to watch the monkeys play on the lawn.  At the end of the day we attended a one hour lecture on the adventures of David Livingstone, the famous explorer who was the first white man to travel the interior of South Africa.

   Tuesday, September 13, 2022:  When we arrived at Victoria Falls, there was a local dance troupe that dressed up in Zulu outfits and welcomed the tourists.  When I walked up to drop a tip into their jar they motioned me to join them.  After I posted a video on Facebook, a friend of mine replied, “Jeff, you are the whitest guy I know,” because I danced so poorly and had no rhythm whatsoever.
   Victoria Falls is one mile wide and 360 feet high and is located between Zimbabwe and Zambia.  Our driver, Lucky, gave us a briefing of what we were about to see and then we took a long walk to take in the view.  Words cannot describe how beautiful the Falls were and we did our best to appreciate the moment.  On the opposite side of the Falls were pools of water which tourists could swim in and they were precariously close to toppling over the ledge to fall off the side.
   After Victoria Falls, we visited a local market where artists sold their wares.  Our main guide, Robin, helped Tracey, my blind wife, feel the life size carvings of a kudu, water buffalo, and a rhino.  At the end of the day we were treated to a river cruise where we saw hippos in the water and crocodiles and elephants on the shore. 

   Wednesday, September 14, 2022:  We got up early and wished the people who were taking the morning helicopter flight over Victoria Fall a good trip.  From the River Palm resort, we took a three hour flight to Cape Town, and checked into the Table Bay Hotel.  This is a five star hotel overlooking the harbor and situated next to the Victoria and Albert shopping mall.  Since most of the day was taken up by traveling, Tracey and I were happy to stay in the hotel for dinner.  The food was great and we were pacing ourselves, trying to relax and enjoy the moment.

   Thursday, September 15, 2022: The cable car ride up to the top of Table Mountain was interesting because the floor of the car rotated so that all of the passengers had a full 360 degree view of Cape Town.  We arrived early because, in the peak season, it can take up to four hours waiting in line to get onto the cable cars, and we wanted to avoid that waste of time.  Once we were at the top of the mountain, Des, our other guide, stayed with Tracey and helped her feel the two 3D maps on top of the mountain.  the first map was about the mountain and the ridges, known as “The Twelve Apostles,” which were adjacent to the mountain.  The second 3D map was about the whole city of Cape Town and the group of mountains which surrounded the city.
   After our tour of Table Mountain, we drove to the Groot Constantia winery, the oldest wine estate in South Africa, for a wine tasting event.  After our tour we broke for lunch and Christopher Brand, the author of “Mandela: My Prisoner.  My Friend,” gave us a lecture on what it was like to interact with the great man.

   Friday, September 16, 2022: Baboons blocked our entrance to the Cape Point National Park, which is located next to the Cape of Good Hope, so we took a few minutes to watch them play and dig for seeds.  It was a little gross because the baboons turned their backs to us and hung their butts in the air so I said to Des, one of the main guides, “can’t they put some pants on those things.”  He laughed at my little joke.
   After lunch we went to Boulder’s Beach to watch the penguins and rounded out the day by visiting Diamond Works where Robin arranged for Tracey to get her own stone-cutting tour.  On the way to the beach, Des pointed to a park and said, “Do you see the statue of the Doug?”  We were confused and asked if he could repeat the question.  “Do you see the statue of the Doug?”  Do you men the statue of the dog?”  “Yes,” replied Des.  I said, “You have to put a Kentucky spin on your accent,” so Des replied with a Southern accent, “Do y’all see the statue of the Dawg?”  Pam laughed and said, “You went a little too far down South!” 

   Saturday, September 17, 2022:  We had been having a great time and we hadn’t even been to the highlight of the tour, which was the Kapama Private Game Reserve.  Within the first two hours of being on the reserve we saw water buffalo, giraffes, impalas, and zebras.  An elephant walked right up to our Jeep and its massive tusks were only three or four feet away from my face.  I became nervous because my only thought was that if the elephant wanted to charge at us to do us bodily harm then there was absolutely nothing to stop it.  The final great moment of our first day at the park was when we got to see a male and female lion mating.  It was a nice moment for Tracey because she could hear the couple growling and mewing with satisfaction. 

   Sunday, September 18, 2022:  We spent the morning at the Herd Trust, a place for wayward elephants to rehabilitate.  The only thing that separated us from the elephants was a stone wall and Tracey was initially reticent to touch the huge animal.  By the end of the experience, however, she was stuffing oranges into the Elephant’s trunk.  Since my wife is blind, we have to find a way for her to use her other senses in order to enjoy the trip.  Tracey could hear the elephant open its mouth, blow the oranges into its gullet, and chew.  The noise that the elephant made was like the sound effects from an “Alien” movie.  By the time that we left the Herd Trust, Tracey was totally satisfied because she got to feed and pet an elephant and our visit could not have gone any better.
   Lawrence was our guide and he liked to say that he had many boxes to open.  It was as if each encounter was a surprise gift.  Our gift on the safari for Sunday was to see a leopard cub in a tree feeding on an impala.  The mother leopard had left the cub alone to feed and it was brutish, so real, that I could not help but to appreciate how raw nature is.  At the end of the safari, Lawrence said, “I have no more boxes to open,” because we had seen the best of the Kapama Game Reserve.

   Monday, September 19, 2022:  The reason why you should travel is because you never know what type of new experience will be for you to experience.  My favorite memory from our South African tour will be of visiting the Mmakoma Crèche School for Orphans.  The University of Louisville donated $2,000 to the orphanage as well as some U of L swag.  As we pulled into Crèche we could hear the kids cheering us as we arrived in our Jeeps.  I don’t know who was more excited, the kids or us, as we gave out the t shirts and the sunglasses to the orphans.  Robin asked Tracey to hand out the sunglasses and the orphans were instructed to clap their hands twice so that my wife knew where to place their gift.  
   South Africa is 80% black, with most of the white people residing in the urban areas, and I am sure that these orphans had never seen a white person before because the school was in a rural area.  There was one little boy who had screamed throughout the whole experience so his teachers had put him in time out in one of the classrooms.  I didn’t know this and I walked by the classroom and I wanted to say hello to the little boy who was being comforted.  As soon as he saw me he started to scream because I was the tall, white skinned, blue eyed devil who must have occupied his nightmares.
   In our safari, we saw a pride of ten elephants at the watering hole.  Two of the younger elephants were butting heads and rough housing.  Lawrence said that this was a sign that the young elephants were ready to peel off and start their own pride.  Later on the safari, a lone lion walked by our Jeep and Ron, one of our fellow tourists, said that “I could have reached out and petted him!”  This safari ruined the rest of the trip for us because I could not see how anything could have gotten any better that seeing teenage elephant fighting or a lion walking within petting distance.

   Tuesday, September 20, 2022:  Both of the safaris were a bust but my thought was that I had seen everything that there was to be seen so I wanted to enjoy riding in the bush in a Jeep.  I sang “Plastic Jesus” and “Feeling Groovy” to myself, over and over again, because those two songs always seem to put me in a good mood.  Meanwhile, I tried to stay in the moment and appreciate the fact that I was on a dream trip in South Africa and almost anyone in the U.S. would gladly trade places with me.  We did one more safari on Wednesday morning before we flew home.  



Quotes
• Steven Smith said, “Our guide told us that you can tell the difference between a male and female giraffe by tasting their poop.  A males’ is sour while a females’ is sweet.”  And then the guide challenged him to eat a pellet of poop and guess the gender of the provider.  “I’ll do it if you will,” and the two men began to munch on the poop.  I said, “I’ll bet the guide had some Raisinettes hidden in his pocket and slipped those in his mouth instead of the poop.  He’s probably back at the lodge right now, bragging to his buddies, and saying, ‘You’ll never guess what I got one of the tourists to do today!’”  Steven laughed at the idea that he had been set up to be the punchline but then a look of concern crossed his face as he must have worried about being set up.
• I told Duane that my favorite Hemingway quote is that “Good fortune is light as a feather but most men are not strong enough to carry it.”  Duane replied, “Did Hemingway say that before he blew off half of his face with a shotgun?”  It was a dark comment but so quick and on point that I laughed and laughed in spite of myself.
• In a feel good moment, after we had given the orphans their gifts at Crèche, Chris started singing “My Old Kentucky Home.”  After the song was over I said that it “was nice to hear our state song in Africa.”  David, an African-American man, replied, “Not for all of us.”  Of course, he was right, and we need to find a new state song that doesn’t offend a large part of our community.       
• The man in front of me during our trans-Atlantic flight looked like he was crazy.  He had shaved his head, had a long goatee, and looked like he had just been released from prison.  The crazy man kept rocking back and forth so that his pillow fell back and landed on my lap.  Sometime during the night, the ex-con turned his big ugly face towards me and aggressively told me to give him his pillow back.  I wanted to say, “Look, Pal, it was your fault that this pillow landed in my lap and if you want it back then you should ask me nicely.”  Wanting to avoid a confrontation, I instead said, “Yes Sir.  And would you like for me to wash and iron that pillow for you?”
• The lady whose plane landed before us at the Kapama Game Reserve said that her plane had to circle the runway three times to make the roaming animals clear the runway.


Non Sequitar
• I worried myself sick over my health problems and thought that the long flight would exasperate them but, as it turns out, none of my problems proved to be a concern.
• We travel with the university because we know that we will have the best of experiences with that group.  I don’t have a bucket list but instead will travel with the university wherever they go because I know that I will have a great experience.
• Part of the fun for me is to think about these tours as one big puzzle and trying to figure out who my fellow passengers are.  These people are the real deal.  For example, Scott Brinkmanship and Jim Rogers are on the board of directors for the University of Louisville and are on the search committee for a new president.  Danny Howard is an eye surgeon.  Steve Smith and Ed Bornstein have their own law firm.  Tracey and I were the youngest passengers on this trip and there were all sorts of role models who taught how to age well and enjoy life.

Green Tortoise Tour

 Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, this is it for me. I’ve enjoyed my time on the bus and it has been a pleasure getting to know you. If you want to stay connected then Google me at Jeff Frazier in Louisville, Kentucky. I’ll pop right up.” These were the final words that I spoke to the Green Tortoise Tours. It was all a bluff as, in the inside, I was thinking, “Thank God that is over. Clearly it was a mistake!” I was more than ready to return to my life in the gilded bubble that is 1400 Willow.

When Tracey and I flew to Egypt, I developed a blood clot in my left leg. It didn’t inhibit me at all but everyone on the tour was telling me how bad my leg looked. It blew up to twice its normal size because of the ride in the airplane, three days straight on the bus, and the hiking. Ralph was a physician’s assistant and he said that an infection may have set it. Lyle said that I couldn’t go on unless I had a doctor check it out. I kept telling them that I had been to the hospital twice to have a sonogram and had been to see my doctor twice right before the trip and she cleared me. That wasn’t good enough so my choice was to fly home or be harassed about hiking, when that was our singular activity. The leg wasn’t going to get better as long as I was on the bus, or was hiking, so I left for Calgary that same day and then flew back to Louisville.

Given the chance, I don’t know if I would have done anything differently. My leg was down to normal size before I left and Dr. Tsai had cleared me. Still, when everyone is telling you how bad your leg looks, you should probably pay attention to them. If you ignore the advice from all of your colleagues then you might have to answer the question of, “How far from the pack have you strayed?”

I feel lucky to get away unscathed. Lyle said that we were about to leave Banff and there were no hospitals or any immediate care units until we reached Juneau, which was a week away. If the blood clot passed into my heart or brain then I would have to take a helicopter out of the wilderness. My thought was that he could have said the same thing about any of the passengers, especially the two seventy two year old women who were in the bus. We were sleeping in the cold and wet weather and anyone of us could have developed pneumonia.

I told Lyle that there were no hard feelings. I got out of the trip what I wanted to get out of it and the experience wasn’t going to get any better by stretching it out for another three weeks. In effect, Lyle offered me a way out of a trip that offered me little but frustration, so I grabbed onto the excuse with both hands and abruptly left

Quotes:

1. You had to like Scotty G if for no other reason than he was completely honest. For example, when

we all first met each other outside of the TransAmerica building in San Francisco, he said, “We

are all trying to to size each other up.”

2. Scotty G named his dog “Sober” because “you put all of your shit on your dog.”

3. Scotty G said, without provocation, that “I am not an onion. I am an artichoke! When you peel

off my layers you will find a heart!” I thought to myself that I will use that line for the rest of my

life.

4. Scotty G would suddenly check out and meditate. It was his way of checking out and escaping

from the mundanities of the life on the bus.

5. I bought a bottle of Jim Beam, mostly to use as a prop, because the Kentucky boy should always

have a bottle of bourbon. Next store to the liquor store was a cannabis shop and I asked for a low grade sample of marijuana because I didn’t want to get sick. When Scotty G saw my bottle of Jim bean on the counter while I was asking for weak weed, he said “that is like trying to kill yourself but not wanting to use an AK-47 to do it.”

6. Savannah said that her mother allowed her to go on the Green Tortoise Tour because, “As long as I don’t sell my body or take drugs, I can do whatever I want!”

7. Jeff F said, “Gary, I don’t know anything about you. Tell me about yourself.” To which Gary answered, “Well, the first thing that you should know about me is that I am very handsome.”

8. Erica said that I have cadaver feet because they are white while the rest of my leg are tan.

9. Russ said “Does there come a time on this trip when people don’t talk so much? My ears are getting tired.”

10. When asked why he became a firefighter, Jorge’s pat answer is “because I was a boy with a penis.” That meant that all red blooded American boys dream of becoming a fireman some day.

11. Lyle said that “One of my most important jobs is rumor control.” I didn’t hear any rumors and then it hit me that the rumors were probably about me. I hoped that the rumors were about me hooking up with 19 year old Savannah but more likely they were about the blood clot in my left leg.

12. Eileen threw up twice, once in the bus and another time in the common eating area. There are procedures for this sort of thing that were ignored by The Tortoise. In fact, I had pointed out that Eileen was sick to Amber to let her know that a member of the group was puking. Later on, Amber said that “if you see a problem, don’t point it out to me. Do what you can to solve the problem without me.” My thought was that with a lot of people walking through the puke were getting germs all over their shoes and that is a good way to get a bus load of people sick.

13. Donna had been on “The Tortoise” before and said that this was the most laid back group ever. Because it cost so much, the people are a lot older than a typical Tortoise tour.

14. I said, “I think that The Tortoise brings couples together because they have to share the hardships of the trip.” Donna replied, “I”ve never seen married couple together who are happy. It is nice to see that it can happen.” There was some nervous laughter at this outward sign of honesty. “I am serious!,” replied Donna, who wanted to relieve the uncomfortable moment.

This trip has “mistake” written all over it.

1. I was most concerned with sharing a month long trip with a bunch of strangers

2. I was worried about sleeping outside, in a tent, and fighting off the mosquitoes. I can handle a lot

of thing but sleep deprivation is not one of them.

3. I was worried about the length of the trip. I had signed on for a month but just made it past one

week.

4. I recognized that I am my own worst enemy on a trip like this. Still, I felt like I had to do it while

I was still young enough and strong enough to endure a rough trip.

5. I thought that it was going to be a bunch of frat boys but, as it turned out, the people on the trip

were pretty great.

6. My thought was that the best thing that I could do was to just throw myself into the experience. If

worst cam to worst then I could bail out at Juneau or someplace else.

7. I have done the luxury cruise ships and wanted to try something different.

8. There was no promise of a shower and, if a shower was available, there was no promise of hot

water. I thought that it wouldn’t be a problem for me to go for days without a shower and, because I am not a picky eater, I could eat whatever was served by the camp fire for breakfast and dinner.

9. There were no mirrors. I have bad skin and didn’t know if I had any whiteheads so I was a little self conscious when I talked to people.

10. There was almost no personal space. I had to get used to being around a lot of people, who apparently did not have to go through a background check, all day long. People napped next to each other throughout the day in the pit.

Rules of the Green Tortoise

1. No homesteading. You cannot call your place and expect to live there for four weeks

2. Respect the “Tortoise Orbit.” There is storage space above the seats in the compartments but,

since people like to sleep up there, the backpacks and other luggage may be moved without notice. It is a reminder that there is no personal space and that your stuff maybe moved without your consent or notification.

Chapter 6 Section 1: Hostel for “The Turtle Tour”
• Start with San Francisco.  Stay at hostel.  Combine it with the hostel in Seattle
• Initial meeting on the street in San Francisco. 
• Include Banff.  The one good day 

Chapter 6 Section 2: Quotes for “The Turtle Tour”
• You had to like Scotty G if for no other reason than he was completely honest.  For example, when we all first met each other outside of the TransAmerica building in San Francisco, he said, “We are all trying to to size each other up.”
• Scotty G named his dog “Sober” because “you put all of your shit on your dog.”
• Scotty G said, without provocation, that “I am not an onion.  I am an artichoke!  When you peel off my layers you will find a heart!”  I thought to myself that I will use that line for the rest of my life.
• Scotty G would suddenly check out and meditate.  It was his way of checking out and escaping from the mundanities of the life on the bus.
• I bought a bottle of Jim Beam, mostly to use as a prop, because the Kentucky boy should always have a bottle of bourbon.  Next store to the liquor store was a cannabis shop and I asked for a low grade sample of marijuana because I didn’t want to get sick.  When Scotty G saw my bottle of Jim bean on the counter while I was asking for weak weed, he said “that is like trying to kill yourself but not wanting to use an AK-47 to do it.”
• Savannah said that her mother allowed her to go on the Green Tortoise Tour because, “As long as I don’t sell my body or take drugs, I can do whatever I want!”
• Jeff F said, “Gary, I don’t know anything about you.  Tell me about yourself.”  To which Gary answered, “Well, the first thing that you should know about me is that I am very handsome.”
• Erica said that I have cadaver feet because they are white while the rest of my leg are tan.
• Russ said “Does there come a time on this trip when people don’t talk so much?  My ears are getting tired.”
• When asked why he became a firefighter, Jorge’s pat answer is “because I was a boy with a penis.”  That meant that all red blooded American boys dream of becoming a fireman some day.
• Lyle said that “One of my most important jobs is rumor control.”  I didn’t hear any rumors and then it hit me that the rumors were probably about me.  I hoped that the rumors were about me hooking up with 19 year old Savannah but more likely they were about the blood clot in my left leg.
• Eileen threw up twice, once in the bus and another time in the common eating area.  There are procedures for this sort of thing that were ignored by The Tortoise.  In fact, I had pointed out that Eileen was sick to Amber to let her know that a member of the group was puking.  Later on, Amber said that “if you see a problem, don’t point it out to me.  Do what you can to solve the problem without me.”  My thought was that with a lot of people walking through the puke were getting germs all over their shoes and that is a good way to get a bus load of people sick.  
• Donna had been on “The Tortoise” before and said that this was the most laid back group ever.  Because it cost so much, the people are a lot older than a typical Tortoise tour.
• I said, “I think that The Tortoise brings couples together because they have to share the hardships of the trip.”  Donna replied, “I”ve never seen married couple together who are happy.  It is nice to see that it can happen.”  There was some nervous laughter at this outward sign of honesty.  “I am serious!,” replied Donna, who wanted to relieve the uncomfortable moment.
• As I was telling the story of taking a shower in what was basically a horse stall in the middle of a barn, the only thing that was securing my privacy was a thin shower curtain.  It wasn’t secure and, as I told the others on the tour, “one good breeze and the shower curtain would be whooshed away and the surprise would be over” in terms of my private parts.

Chapter 6 Section 3: The Mistake that was “The Turtle Tour”
• I was most concerned with sharing a month long trip with a bunch of strangers
• I was worried about sleeping outside, in a tent, and fighting off the mosquitoes.  I can handle a lot of thing but sleep deprivation is not one of them.
• I was worried about the length of the trip.  I had signed on for a month but just made it past one week.  
• I recognized that I am my own worst enemy on a trip like this.  Still, I felt like I had to do it while I was still young enough and strong enough to endure a rough trip.
• I thought that it was going to be a bunch of frat boys but, as it turned out, the people on the trip were pretty great.
• My thought was that the best thing that I could do was to just throw myself into the experience.  If worst came to worst then I could bail out at Juneau or someplace else.
• I have done the luxury cruise ships and wanted to try something different.
• There was no promise of a shower and, if a shower was available, there was no promise of hot water.  I thought that it wouldn’t be a problem for me to go for days without a shower and, because I am not a picky eater, I could eat whatever was served by the camp fire for breakfast and dinner.
• There were no mirrors.  I have bad skin and didn’t know if I had any whiteheads so I was a little self conscious when I talked to people.
• There was almost no personal space.  I had to get used to being around a lot of people, who apparently did not have to go through a background check, all day long.  People napped next to each other throughout the day in the pit
• No one there was going to miss me.  I lifted right out.  

Chapter 6 Section 4: Rules for “The Turtle Tour”
• No homesteading.  You cannot call your place and expect to live there for four weeks
• Respect the “Tortoise Orbit.”  There is storage space above the seats in the compartments but, since people like to sleep up there, the backpacks and other luggage may be moved without notice.  It is a reminder that there is no personal space and that your stuff maybe moved without your consent or notification.  Cheryl didn’t like it when I moved her stuff.
• Even though we have a bathroom onboard, there will be no pooping or peeing on the bus.  Human waste changes the chemical compound in the port-a-potty so it is better if we don’t use it.  Besides, if the port-a-potty becomes full then we have to find a place to drain it and that is sometimes not possible in the backwoods of Canada.
• Rate your need to pee from one to ten.  A “one” is when you have just peed and your bladder is empty.  A “ten” is when you have just peed in your pants.  Tell Amber or Lyle when your pee rating is a seven so that they can find a place to pull over.  A “seven” means that you have at least fifteen minutes before you have to empty your bladder.  You don’t go from a seven to a ten in fifteen minutes so don’t expect for the bus to immediately pull over when you announce that you are a “seven.”  Muriel suffered
• Pitch in whenever you can, whenever you see the need.  For example, do the dishes or load the bus or fetch the water
• Be flexible and open to new experiences.
• No shoes on in the pit.  If the mattresses get dirty or wet then they will remain dirty or wet for the whole trip and nobody wants that.

Chapter 6 Section 5: Why did I take a take “The Turtle Tour”
• There are new are different problems.  Instead of thinking about my sister and my niece dying, I can concentrate on setting up camp or going for a long hike.
• New people who were different from me.  The teachers at Sacred Heart, the people at 1400 Willow, and the members at Milestone have a tendency to be tight assed.  I want to interact with a different type of person
• I am low maintenance so I don’t care what I eat, where I sleep, or what we do.  I took it one day at a time and was determined not to plan ahead.  It is just another example of mind over matter; using self-discipline and patience, I should be able to endure the trip with no problems/
• Half of the fun is to figure out the puzzle, to put all of the pieces together.  How does the bus work, what are the names and occupations of the people and how will they get along with each other.
• I wanted to slow down and enjoy the experience.  I just took a train from Phoenix to San Antonio, for example, but didn’t feel like I had done either city justice.  A bus trip would force me to spend more time in each place and make me appreciate the places where we had passed through.  
• Now I have something to write about. This will be my fifth book
• Missed opportunities.

Chapter 6 Section 6: Welcome Surprises for “The Turtle Tour”
• I slept well at night, wedging myself into a compartment above the pit and the seats.  There was no room to maneuver, so I had to sleep perfectly still, but I was warm and safe and dry.  Also, I carried an old iPod with me and listened to recorded episodes of NPR.  The constant drone of voices blocked out the chit-chatting from the other passengers.
• Everyone was nervous at first and were on his and her best behavior.  The last thing that you wanted to do was to offend someone on the fourth day and they give you the stink eye for the rest of the trip.
• It was a really nice coach bus.  After looking at the pictures on Facebook, I was expecting an old and worn out bus.
• About half of the passengers were from foreign countries and that made conversation really interesting.
• My first impression of the interior of the bus was that of the pit, which was a big and open area at the back.  It was like one big couch where everyone could recline and relax.
• I packed really well; not too much and I didn’t forget anything.

Chapter 6 Section 7: Cast for “The Turtle Tour”
• This trip seemed to bring the couples closer together because they share the hardships.  I noticed that Russ brought Cindy her breakfast.  Paige and Seth played together by pretending to fence.  
• Elan and Murielle were always asking each other if they needed anything or wanted any help.  It was nice to see the married people getting along so well.  Brought along their own special food
• Lyle and Amber run the show.  Lyle had been traveling with The Tortoise since he was six, or for fifty years.  Amber was hired on as a guide when she was 20. 
• Scotty G had a Louis Vuitton bag, which one would never expect on a bus tour, and wild hair.  He is a hair dresser for a living; divorced with three girls from his marriage.
• Eileen is an art teacher, divorced, and very outgoing.  She had to stay in close proximity to a phone because her mother is very sick.  Threw up in middle of pavilion after smoking marijuana.  
• Brian is from Minnesota.  He was Jeff’s roommate in college.
• Ralph and Diane are married.  He is a physician’s assistant
• Elan is from Columbia and Murielle is from Argentina.  They have been married for ten years.  Elan is a web designer and Murielle is a criminal court reporter.
• Jeff is a municipal engineer from Los Angeles.  
• Jan is from Germany and is an environmental engineer.  Got to see a bear from chairlift. 
• Peter is from Budapest, Hungary
• Vanessa and Tracey are from England.  I assume that they are sisters.  You have to give up all of your vanities on a trip like this and Tracey took off her wig when she went to bathe in a river.  I didn’t know her well enough to ask what happened but she had a scar that went around the circumference of the back of her head and I guessed that she had brain surgery. 
• Joseph is Asian and has an autistic son.  His wife stayed home with their son so that Joseph could take a much needed break. 
• Cheryl is a special education teacher who works with Downs and Autistic students
• Jorge is a firefighter from San Francisco.
• Gary is a psychiatric nurse from the UK.
• Gwen is 72 years old, a retired teacher who had completed a one year program with the Rhodes Scholars and had taught in Kyrgyzstan.  Carried two buckets of water 
• Pi-Yun is 72 and moved to the US from Taiwan is 1972.  Low talking criticism of fellow travelers.  Got up early to walk before others woke up.  Bad attitude.  Face like a sphincter 
• Erica traveled throughout SE Asia and got an elephant tattoo on both arms to commemorate her journey.  She has been divorced for 14 years.  Gay?  Really cool  
• Donna is a teacher who traveled throughout SE Asia.  Gay?  Paid for own marriage
• Russ and Cindy are expats who live in La Paz, Mexico.  They are both retired and have lived in Kansas City and Austin.  Cindy was a training specialist from Apple and Russ is a retired real estate lawyer.
• Maria is an Asian woman from the Bay Area.  She is an engineer with a 22 year old son and was originally from Taiwan.
• Seth and Paige.  Seth had been a competitive fencer who had been to the Worlds and the Olympics and is currently a coach for the sport.  Paige had been a principal.  Seth is a Lieutenant  Colonel in the Air Force and the couple makes their living by renting Air BnB’s together in Denver.  
• ChiHero is Japanese and a nurse.  She is always in a good mood and is always laughing.  Pi-Yun accused her of faking it.  
• Savannah lives in Portland and is a cake decorator with Meier.  She spent the down time listening to music and drawing in her artists’ notebook.  
• On their first night out, Paige was only able to get three hours of sleep.  Clearly she was exhausted and she nestled up next to Seth and they napped together throughout the day.  It was nice to see a couple, both of whom were obviously strong people, let their guard down and rely on each other to get through the ordeal.
• Seth and Paige thought that I was stupid for signing up on a camping trip when I had never done any camping.  I explained to them about the 4th Kentucky and sleeping on the ground campaign style.  If I could take that then I could do tent camping

3. Even though we have a bathroom onboard, there will be no pooping or peeing on the bus. Human

waste changes the chemical compound in the port-a-potty so it is better if we don’t use it. Besides, if the port-a-potty becomes full then we have to find a place to drain it and that is sometimes not possible in the backwoods of Canada.

4. Rate your need to pee from one to ten. A “one” is when you have just peed and your bladder is empty. A “ten” is when you have just peed in your pants. Tell Amber or Lyle when your pee rating is a seven so that they can find a place to pull over. A “seven” means that you have at least fifteen minutes before you have to empty your bladder. You don’t go from a seven to a ten in fifteen minutes so don’t expect for the bus to immediately pull over when you announce that you are a “seven.”

5. Pitch in whenever you can, whenever you see the need. For example, do the dishes or load the bus or fetch the water

6. Be flexible and open to new experiences.

7. No shoes on in the pit. If the mattresses get dirty or wet then they will remain dirty or wet for the

whole trip and nobody wants that.

Why did I take the Green Tortoise Tour?

1. There are new are different problems. Instead of thinking about my sister and my niece dying, I

can concentrate on setting up camp or going for a long hike.

2. New people who were different from me. The teachers at Sacred Heart, the people at 1400

Willow, and the members at Milestone have a tendency to be tight assed. I want to interact with a

different type of person

3. I am low maintenance so I don’t care what I eat, where I sleep, or what we do. I took it one day at

a time and was determined not to plan ahead. It is just another example of mind over matter; using

self-discipline and patience, I should be able to endure the trip with no problems/

4. Half of the fun is to figure out the puzzle, to put all of the pieces together. How does the bus

work, what are the names and occupations of the people and how will they get along with each

other.

5. I wanted to slow down and enjoy the experience. I just took a train from Phoenix to San Antonio,

for example, but didn’t feel like I had done either city justice. A bus trip would force me to spend

more time in each place and make me appreciate the places where we had passed through.

6. Now I have something to write about.

Welcome Surprises

1. I slept well at night, wedging myself into a compartment above the pit and the seats. There was no

room to maneuver, so I had to sleep perfectly still, but I was warm and safe and dry. Also, I carried an old iPod with me and listened to recorded episodes of NPR. The constant drone of voices blocked out the chit-chatting from the other passengers.

2. Everyone was nervous at first and were on his and her best behavior. The last thing that you wanted to do was to offend someone on the fourth day and they give you the stink eye for the rest of the trip.

3. It was a really nice coach bus. After looking at the pictures on Facebook, I was expecting an old and worn out bus.

4. About half of the passengers were from foreign countries and that made conversation really interesting.

5. My first impression of the interior of the bus was that of the pit, which was a big and open area at the back. It was like one big couch where everyone could recline and relax.

6. I packed really well; not too much and I didn’t forget anything.

The People

1. This trip seemed to bring the couples closer together because they share the hardships. I noticed

that Russ brought Cindy her breakfast. Paige and Seth played together by pretending to fence. Elan and Murielle were always asking each other if they needed anything or wanted any help. It was nice to see the married people getting along so well.

2. Lyle and Amber run the show. Lyle had been traveling with The Tortoise since he was six, or for fifty years. Amber was hired on as a guide when she was 20.

3. Scotty G had a Louis Vuitton bag, which one would never expect on a bus tour, and wild hair. He is a hair dresser for a living; divorced with three girls from his marriage.

4. Eileen is an art teacher, divorced, and very outgoing. She had to stay in close proximity to a phone because her mother is very sick.

5. Brian is from Minnesota. He was Jeff’s roommate in college.

6. Ralph and Diane are married. He is a physician’s assistant

7. Elan is from Columbia and Murielle is from Argentina. They have been married for ten years.

Elan is a web designer and Murielle is a criminal court reporter. .

8. Jeff is a municipal engineer from Los Angeles.

9. Jan is from Germany and is an environmental engineer.

10. Peter is from Budapest, Hungary

11. Vanessa and Tracey are from England. I assume that they are sisters. You have to give up all of

your vanities on a trip like this and Tracey took off her wig when she went to bathe in a river. I didn’t know her well enough to ask what happened but she had a scar that went around the circumference of the back of her head and I guessed that she had brain surgery.

12. Joseph is Asian and has an autistic son. His wife stayed home with their son so that Joseph could take a much needed break.

13. Cheryl is a special education teacher who works with Downs and Autistic students

14. Jorge is a firefighter from San Francisco.

15. Gary is a psychiatric nurse from the UK.

16. Gwen is 72 years old, a retired teacher who had completed a one year program with the Rhodes

Scholars and had taught in Kyrgyzstan.

17. Pi-Yun is 72 and moved to the US from Taiwan is 1972.

18. Erica traveled throughout SE Asia and got an elephant tattoo on both arms to commemorate her

journey. She has been divorced for 14 years.

19. Donna is a teacher who traveled throughout SE Asia

20. Russ and Cindy are expats who live in La Paz, Mexico. They are both retired and have lived in

Kansas City and Austin. Cindy was a training specialist from Apple and Russ is a retired real

estate lawyer.

21. Maria is an Asian woman from the Bay Area. She is an engineer with a 22 year old son and was

originally from Taiwan.

22. Seth and Paige. Seth had been a competitive fencer who had been to the Worlds and the Olympics

and is currently a coach for the sport. Paige had been a principal. Seth is a Lieutenant Colonel in

the Air Force and the couple makes their living by renting Air BnB’s together in Denver.

23. ChiHero is Japanese and a nurse. She is always in a good mood and is always laughing

24. Savannah lives in Portland and is a cake decorator with Meier. She spent the down time listening

to music and drawing in her artists’ notebook.

25. On their first night out, Paige was only able to get three hours of sleep. Clearly she was exhausted

and she nestled up next to Seth and they napped together throughout the day. It was nice to see a couple, both of whom were obviously strong people, let their guard down and rely on each other to get through the ordeal.

. Chapter 6 Section 1: Hostel for “The Turtle Tour”
• Start with San Francisco.  Stay at hostel.  Combine it with the hostel in Seattle
• Initial meeting on the street in San Francisco. 
• Include Banff.  The one good day 

Chapter 6 Section 2: Quotes for “The Turtle Tour”
• You had to like Scotty G if for no other reason than he was completely honest.  For example, when we all first met each other outside of the TransAmerica building in San Francisco, he said, “We are all trying to to size each other up.”
• Scotty G named his dog “Sober” because “you put all of your shit on your dog.”
• Scotty G said, without provocation, that “I am not an onion.  I am an artichoke!  When you peel off my layers you will find a heart!”  I thought to myself that I will use that line for the rest of my life.
• Scotty G would suddenly check out and meditate.  It was his way of checking out and escaping from the mundanities of the life on the bus.
• I bought a bottle of Jim Beam, mostly to use as a prop, because the Kentucky boy should always have a bottle of bourbon.  Next store to the liquor store was a cannabis shop and I asked for a low grade sample of marijuana because I didn’t want to get sick.  When Scotty G saw my bottle of Jim bean on the counter while I was asking for weak weed, he said “that is like trying to kill yourself but not wanting to use an AK-47 to do it.”
• Savannah said that her mother allowed her to go on the Green Tortoise Tour because, “As long as I don’t sell my body or take drugs, I can do whatever I want!”
• Jeff F said, “Gary, I don’t know anything about you.  Tell me about yourself.”  To which Gary answered, “Well, the first thing that you should know about me is that I am very handsome.”
• Erica said that I have cadaver feet because they are white while the rest of my leg are tan.
• Russ said “Does there come a time on this trip when people don’t talk so much?  My ears are getting tired.”
• When asked why he became a firefighter, Jorge’s pat answer is “because I was a boy with a penis.”  That meant that all red blooded American boys dream of becoming a fireman some day.
• Lyle said that “One of my most important jobs is rumor control.”  I didn’t hear any rumors and then it hit me that the rumors were probably about me.  I hoped that the rumors were about me hooking up with 19 year old Savannah but more likely they were about the blood clot in my left leg.
• Eileen threw up twice, once in the bus and another time in the common eating area.  There are procedures for this sort of thing that were ignored by The Tortoise.  In fact, I had pointed out that Eileen was sick to Amber to let her know that a member of the group was puking.  Later on, Amber said that “if you see a problem, don’t point it out to me.  Do what you can to solve the problem without me.”  My thought was that with a lot of people walking through the puke were getting germs all over their shoes and that is a good way to get a bus load of people sick.  
• Donna had been on “The Tortoise” before and said that this was the most laid back group ever.  Because it cost so much, the people are a lot older than a typical Tortoise tour.
• I said, “I think that The Tortoise brings couples together because they have to share the hardships of the trip.”  Donna replied, “I”ve never seen married couple together who are happy.  It is nice to see that it can happen.”  There was some nervous laughter at this outward sign of honesty.  “I am serious!,” replied Donna, who wanted to relieve the uncomfortable moment.
• As I was telling the story of taking a shower in what was basically a horse stall in the middle of a barn, the only thing that was securing my privacy was a thin shower curtain.  It wasn’t secure and, as I told the others on the tour, “one good breeze and the shower curtain would be whooshed away and the surprise would be over” in terms of my private parts.

Chapter 6 Section 3: The Mistake that was “The Turtle Tour”
• I was most concerned with sharing a month long trip with a bunch of strangers
• I was worried about sleeping outside, in a tent, and fighting off the mosquitoes.  I can handle a lot of thing but sleep deprivation is not one of them.
• I was worried about the length of the trip.  I had signed on for a month but just made it past one week.  
• I recognized that I am my own worst enemy on a trip like this.  Still, I felt like I had to do it while I was still young enough and strong enough to endure a rough trip.
• I thought that it was going to be a bunch of frat boys but, as it turned out, the people on the trip were pretty great.
• My thought was that the best thing that I could do was to just throw myself into the experience.  If worst came to worst then I could bail out at Juneau or someplace else.
• I have done the luxury cruise ships and wanted to try something different.
• There was no promise of a shower and, if a shower was available, there was no promise of hot water.  I thought that it wouldn’t be a problem for me to go for days without a shower and, because I am not a picky eater, I could eat whatever was served by the camp fire for breakfast and dinner.
• There were no mirrors.  I have bad skin and didn’t know if I had any whiteheads so I was a little self conscious when I talked to people.
• There was almost no personal space.  I had to get used to being around a lot of people, who apparently did not have to go through a background check, all day long.  People napped next to each other throughout the day in the pit
• No one there was going to miss me.  I lifted right out.  

Chapter 6 Section 4: Rules for “The Turtle Tour”
• No homesteading.  You cannot call your place and expect to live there for four weeks
• Respect the “Tortoise Orbit.”  There is storage space above the seats in the compartments but, since people like to sleep up there, the backpacks and other luggage may be moved without notice.  It is a reminder that there is no personal space and that your stuff maybe moved without your consent or notification.  Cheryl didn’t like it when I moved her stuff.
• Even though we have a bathroom onboard, there will be no pooping or peeing on the bus.  Human waste changes the chemical compound in the port-a-potty so it is better if we don’t use it.  Besides, if the port-a-potty becomes full then we have to find a place to drain it and that is sometimes not possible in the backwoods of Canada.
• Rate your need to pee from one to ten.  A “one” is when you have just peed and your bladder is empty.  A “ten” is when you have just peed in your pants.  Tell Amber or Lyle when your pee rating is a seven so that they can find a place to pull over.  A “seven” means that you have at least fifteen minutes before you have to empty your bladder.  You don’t go from a seven to a ten in fifteen minutes so don’t expect for the bus to immediately pull over when you announce that you are a “seven.”  Muriel suffered
• Pitch in whenever you can, whenever you see the need.  For example, do the dishes or load the bus or fetch the water
• Be flexible and open to new experiences.
• No shoes on in the pit.  If the mattresses get dirty or wet then they will remain dirty or wet for the whole trip and nobody wants that.

Chapter 6 Section 5: Why did I take a take “The Turtle Tour”
• There are new are different problems.  Instead of thinking about my sister and my niece dying, I can concentrate on setting up camp or going for a long hike.
• New people who were different from me.  The teachers at Sacred Heart, the people at 1400 Willow, and the members at Milestone have a tendency to be tight assed.  I want to interact with a different type of person
• I am low maintenance so I don’t care what I eat, where I sleep, or what we do.  I took it one day at a time and was determined not to plan ahead.  It is just another example of mind over matter; using self-discipline and patience, I should be able to endure the trip with no problems/
• Half of the fun is to figure out the puzzle, to put all of the pieces together.  How does the bus work, what are the names and occupations of the people and how will they get along with each other.
• I wanted to slow down and enjoy the experience.  I just took a train from Phoenix to San Antonio, for example, but didn’t feel like I had done either city justice.  A bus trip would force me to spend more time in each place and make me appreciate the places where we had passed through.  
• Now I have something to write about. This will be my fifth book
• Missed opportunities.

Chapter 6 Section 6: Welcome Surprises for “The Turtle Tour”
• I slept well at night, wedging myself into a compartment above the pit and the seats.  There was no room to maneuver, so I had to sleep perfectly still, but I was warm and safe and dry.  Also, I carried an old iPod with me and listened to recorded episodes of NPR.  The constant drone of voices blocked out the chit-chatting from the other passengers.
• Everyone was nervous at first and were on his and her best behavior.  The last thing that you wanted to do was to offend someone on the fourth day and they give you the stink eye for the rest of the trip.
• It was a really nice coach bus.  After looking at the pictures on Facebook, I was expecting an old and worn out bus.
• About half of the passengers were from foreign countries and that made conversation really interesting.
• My first impression of the interior of the bus was that of the pit, which was a big and open area at the back.  It was like one big couch where everyone could recline and relax.
• I packed really well; not too much and I didn’t forget anything.

Chapter 6 Section 7: Cast for “The Turtle Tour”
• This trip seemed to bring the couples closer together because they share the hardships.  I noticed that Russ brought Cindy her breakfast.  Paige and Seth played together by pretending to fence.  
• Elan and Murielle were always asking each other if they needed anything or wanted any help.  It was nice to see the married people getting along so well.  Brought along their own special food
• Lyle and Amber run the show.  Lyle had been traveling with The Tortoise since he was six, or for fifty years.  Amber was hired on as a guide when she was 20. 
• Scotty G had a Louis Vuitton bag, which one would never expect on a bus tour, and wild hair.  He is a hair dresser for a living; divorced with three girls from his marriage.
• Eileen is an art teacher, divorced, and very outgoing.  She had to stay in close proximity to a phone because her mother is very sick.  Threw up in middle of pavilion after smoking marijuana.  
• Brian is from Minnesota.  He was Jeff’s roommate in college.
• Ralph and Diane are married.  He is a physician’s assistant
• Elan is from Columbia and Murielle is from Argentina.  They have been married for ten years.  Elan is a web designer and Murielle is a criminal court reporter.
• Jeff is a municipal engineer from Los Angeles.  
• Jan is from Germany and is an environmental engineer.  Got to see a bear from chairlift. 
• Peter is from Budapest, Hungary
• Vanessa and Tracey are from England.  I assume that they are sisters.  You have to give up all of your vanities on a trip like this and Tracey took off her wig when she went to bathe in a river.  I didn’t know her well enough to ask what happened but she had a scar that went around the circumference of the back of her head and I guessed that she had brain surgery. 
• Joseph is Asian and has an autistic son.  His wife stayed home with their son so that Joseph could take a much needed break. 
• Cheryl is a special education teacher who works with Downs and Autistic students
• Jorge is a firefighter from San Francisco.
• Gary is a psychiatric nurse from the UK.
• Gwen is 72 years old, a retired teacher who had completed a one year program with the Rhodes Scholars and had taught in Kyrgyzstan.  Carried two buckets of water 
• Pi-Yun is 72 and moved to the US from Taiwan is 1972.  Low talking criticism of fellow travelers.  Got up early to walk before others woke up.  Bad attitude.  Face like a sphincter 
• Erica traveled throughout SE Asia and got an elephant tattoo on both arms to commemorate her journey.  She has been divorced for 14 years.  Gay?  Really cool  
• Donna is a teacher who traveled throughout SE Asia.  Gay?  Paid for own marriage
• Russ and Cindy are expats who live in La Paz, Mexico.  They are both retired and have lived in Kansas City and Austin.  Cindy was a training specialist from Apple and Russ is a retired real estate lawyer.
• Maria is an Asian woman from the Bay Area.  She is an engineer with a 22 year old son and was originally from Taiwan.
• Seth and Paige.  Seth had been a competitive fencer who had been to the Worlds and the Olympics and is currently a coach for the sport.  Paige had been a principal.  Seth is a Lieutenant  Colonel in the Air Force and the couple makes their living by renting Air BnB’s together in Denver.  
• ChiHero is Japanese and a nurse.  She is always in a good mood and is always laughing.  Pi-Yun accused her of faking it.  
• Savannah lives in Portland and is a cake decorator with Meier.  She spent the down time listening to music and drawing in her artists’ notebook.  
• On their first night out, Paige was only able to get three hours of sleep.  Clearly she was exhausted and she nestled up next to Seth and they napped together throughout the day.  It was nice to see a couple, both of whom were obviously strong people, let their guard down and rely on each other to get through the ordeal.
• Seth and Paige thought that I was stupid for signing up on a camping trip when I had never done any camping.  I explained to them about the 4th Kentucky and sleeping on the ground campaign style.  If I could take that then I could do tent camping