“I was a lot more aggressive back then.” That is what Joe Namath, the quarterback for the Jets in the 1960s, said to a reporter whom he had fired fifty years ago for misquoting him. I feel the same way about my teaching career because when I first started, thirty years ago, I was a lot more aggressive in the classroom. It was pure ego because I really enjoyed being the center of attention. Now the ego and the aggressiveness are gone, and I find myself looking back at my career with regret. I regret teaching the A.P. classes, for example, because I lectured too much, and I couldn’t figure out a way to teach the classes any better than I did. How long will I punish myself for not being able to adapt? I should have quit teaching a long time ago and moved onto something else, but I really wanted to make it to thirty years. Now that it is all over, I have come to be at peace with the fact that I did the best that I could for as long as I could. Besides, I thought that I did a pretty good job in teaching U.S. and world history.
It is time for me to forgive myself; to stop punishing myself for being unable to adapt to a new way of teaching. It is very hard to admit failure. My time as a classroom teacher ended four years ago and, at this point in my career, there isn’t a lot for me to do as a substitute teacher. I wrote three books, a fact that will always make me proud, but I gave up on reading the Bible and working crossword puzzles because I wasn’t getting anything out of either of those distractions. Also, I have run out of ideas for writing blog entries and, since they were the main inspiration for my books, I am done being the permanent substitute teacher because I don’t want to write any more.
All of the signs say that this is the right time to throw in the towel. I get to say that I was in the classroom for thirty years at Sacred Heart and I get to retire with my self-respect and health intact. My relations with the faculty are at an all time high as there is no one whom I don’t like, and I get along with everyone. Also, we own a luxury condo, have saved enough money to live comfortably, and our three children are settled. The thing to do now is to keep myself fit by going to the gym, keep myself sharp by reading books and the newspaper, and keep myself interested by travelling. I will continue to substitute teach three or four times a week because that will be my social life, but what is most important to me is that my wife and I can spend some time to enjoy the life that we have built for ourselves.
Jeff, i see things such that in some instances our day job is a mere facilitator to the fulfillment of deeper passions such as building a strong family and getting a triathlon PR. As such, in my mind, your teaching job checked major boxes
ReplyDeleteSeems the future looks bright. Maybe Trinity needs another leader on the summer cross country biking front.